41 and 3

41 weeks and 3 days new.
Same amount of time she was in the womb.

Sometimes I have so many thoughts I can't quite articulate them. Motherhood has definitely been a season of wordlessness for me.

I had (and have) so many fears around motherhood. Sometimes I look at this amazing little person who looks so much like me and so much like her papa and yet is her own self and wonder how I got here. How did I get blessed with this little being who loves life and others so unabashedly? I feel the full weight of the charge to nurture her, guard her heart, and let her be the person she's meant to be and as much as part of me is terrified I'm going to screw it up the other part is amazed at how easy and natural it all is. Parenting is hard, but there is so much joy in it. For some reason I'm surprised by this.

We marked a milestone on March 6: Little Girl has been out of the womb longer than she was in it. She is such a firecracker. Her striving to be independent regularly has me in giggles. She's gearing up to walk and still needs to hold on to things, but she doesn't want to hold our hands. The other day she figured out she can pull herself up on the back of my legs and then walk behind me as I walk around. Ingenius, really.

The words of wisdom I was given regarding parenthood have rung so true: The days are long but the years are short. Every day is new and old, but I don't think anyone will ever be as excited about morning as that sweet munchkin is. Her joy is contagious.

2013: An End and a Beginning

2013 is coming to a close has been closed for over a month and I can't quite put to words the changes and growth that have occurred. We started a new chapter in our marriage and in our life and we are finding our footing daily as we learn our new roles.

2013: The Survey
 

Was 2013 good for you? This was a growing, blossoming year for me. Yes.

What was your favorite moment of the year? There have been so many favorite moments. The first is probably the first time Remmy smiled a meaningful smile. The second is watching her and Jason playing on the California beach.
 

What was your worst moment of the year? Hmmm... I think I kept my worst self under wraps this year. I know I had some pretty terrible thoughts but, thank God, they never passed my lips.

Where were you when 2013 began? At the Higley house

Who were you with? Ma Pa Higley, Josh, Laura, Palke, and Jason. We watched Season 7 of How I Met Your Mother episodes 2-10 and flipped over in time to see the ball drop on Time Square.

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2013? I never committed to a word for the My One Word challenge. I did a fair job of living in the moment, though, which had been an unspoken goal.

Where were you when 2013 ended? At home playing Settlers of Catan Cities & Knights with Jason, Josh and Laura.

Do you have a new year's resolution for 2014? My One Word this year is "Simplify." My life feels chaotic and complicated lately. I want to slow down, be present, and rid myself of the clutter in my mind, body, spirit, and space. 

Did you fall in love in 2013? The most beautiful, smart, endearing little red head came into my life and I am completely in love.
 

Did you make any new friends in 2013? Yes, my old college roommate added me to her mom's group and we also started attending a small church regularly and are getting to know the people there.

What was your favorite month in 2013: May

Why this month? Aunt Deb came to visit, I finished an important work project and we welcomed our daughter into our lives.

Did you travel outside of the country in 2013? Nope

How many different places did you travel to in 2013? The usual suspects, along with Hemet, Carlsbad and Newport for some
flavor.


Did you miss anybody in the past year? I didn't talk to my Aunt Deb as much as usual this past year and I was terrible at keeping in contact with friends.

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2013? "Frozen" hands down.

What was your favorite song from 2013? "Let Her Go" by Passenger and "Love Is An Open Door" from Frozen soundtrack, along with "Let It Go" and "In Summer" and the rest of the soundtrack.

How many concerts or plays did you see in 2013? We saw Trans-Siberian Orchestra and some folk music in Sisters. I don't recall any plays this year.

 

Did you have a favorite concert in 2013? Trans-Siberian was the only one I went to so it wins by default.

What was your favorite book(s) in 2013? Gosh, I don't even know what I read this year and I haven't done much reading lately. "Refined by Fire" and "Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief" are the only two that come to mind.

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Nope.

What was the biggest lie you told in 2013? That I was fully recovered from all the post-baby body weirdness.

Did you treat somebody badly in 2013? There was that one time I decided I wasn't feeling up to being graceful and I didn't apologize. And I didn't think about that until right now and right now I think it doesn't much matter.

Did somebody treat you badly in 2013? Probably. 

What was your proudest moment of 2013? Finishing the Tinkerbell 1/2 marathon while 6 months pregnant. That was the most difficult race I've ever done on a number of levels, but is the race I'm most proud of. I finished and I didn't drop a baby on the course. Win, win!

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2013? I may have thrown up in a grocery bag during prodromal labor and my aunt held it out the car window while we drove home from the park. Yeah, that happened.

If you could go back to any moment of 2013 and change something, what would it be? The thing I want to change I don't think I could have. I really wanted the unmedicated birth, but I don't think there's anything I could have done differently to keep that silly girl in the optimal position. In the end, I just thank God I had such an amazing birth team and avoided surgery.

Where did you work in 2013? AH Foundation and I received a promotion.

Favorite TV shows(s) of 2013? I discovered "Vampire Diaries" and "Hart of Dixie" and I'm a little ridiculous about them.

Favorite Band(s) of 2013? Gloriana

Favorite Food in 2013? Frozen tropical fruits, yogurt and french fries.

Favorite Drink in 2013? Raspberry Crystal Light

Favorite Place in 2013? Carlsbad

Favorite person(s) to be with in 2013? My little family

Favorite person(s) to talk to in 2013? Bobby and Leslie

 Favorite trip in 2013? Anniversary trip to Bend

Favorite stores in 2013? Powell's Books and Nordstrom

 Most Difficult thing you Went through in 2013: Learning to be a mama and career woman has been pretty hard but also rewarding.

Most exciting moment(s) in 2013? Completing the Tinkerbell 1/2 Marathon. My newphew's arrival followed by Crystal's baby's arrival a week later and Reese baby's appearance two months after. Meeting our baby in May. First hiking trip with baby. Oregon State Fair. Meeting our niece.Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Rip City: Best in the West!

 

Funniest moment(s) in 2013? All the ones that come to mind involve poop. Poop has become a large part of my life it turns out.