Lost for Words

"Words can never fully say what we want them to say, for they fumble, stammer, and break the best porcelain. The best one can hope for is to find along the way someone to share the path, content to walk in silence, for the heart communes best when it does not try to speak."
~Margaret Weis

Words have never been my thing. Writing was, but I have lost that skill as of late. I miss it. My super power, however, is feeling things (too) deeply. I feel others' pains as if they were my own and my heart aches with them. Physically.

Frustratingly, I feel their pain, but I have no words to give them comfort. I wish I did. It feels really unhelpful to just cry. I pray that it's enough.

Parenting Practice

The DH and I have been having on and off conversations about our approaches to discipline and parenting methods in general as of late. Even though we don't plan to have little people any sooner than two years from now, it's fun to talk through things that may come up in the future now, while we don't have a screaming child to deal with. I know you can't truly prepare to be a parent - every child is different and you could very well find you're different than you thought you were - but I think having a plan and revising it is better than having no plan at all.

Lucky for us, we have a 3-year-old our friend's let us practice on. (He's everyone's first child as he's currently the only child in the group.) The DH and him have a grand time together - most of it spent trying to get the boy to eat as he's very easily distracted. Last night we had the pleasure of watching him while his parents had a date night and this is what dinner looked like...

PS: DH made the kid's dinner, so his mac and cheese was edible. ;-)

Blue Box Blues

Last night I decided to throw in the towel and admit defeat.

I can make a meatloaf that would put your grandma to shame.
I can whip up the creamiest, fluffiest, most delicious mashed potatoes you've ever had at the drop of a hat without the aid of a cookbook or measuring tools.
I can clean trout and cook it five different ways - none of them dry or burnt.
I make a mouth watering brisket and mean eggs.

But, try as I might, the blue box defeats me every damn time.

The powder doesn't mix. It's too buttery. The noodles are too hard or too mushy. The sauce is creamy, but bland. Every time my confidants ask, "How do you ruin mac and cheese? That's like burning water!" or comment on how amazing my mashed potatoes are and how puzzling it is I can't make edible Blue Box. The Boy's constant line is, "Did you follow the directions?" (For awhile I was known to throw all the ingredients in the pot and wish it well. It never turned out well.)

It hasn't always been this way. When my mother left I became the chief chef of the house. And, really, there aren't too many recipes a nine-year-old can follow, so we ate a lot of mac and cheese, Hamburger Helper, and Red Baron 4-cheese pizza.

I hereby renounce my claim on my childhood favorite and will leave the Pasta tipo Macaroni con salsa de Queso to the DH (pictured making Blue Box on our honeymoon in Puerto Vallarta).

Time on My Hands

It has been 9 months since I graduated from PSU. It still feels strange to not attend regular classes and to be in complete control of my free time. But, alas, I am still a nerd and am starting to get antsy about not taking classes.

The boy is in the Adult Degree program at Warner Pacific and has another two years before he will be finished. He is doing great and I am very proud of him for taking the plunge and returning to school. Our home is not devoid of academic pursuits.

Before he enrolled at Warner, I went to Denver to visit the Graduate School of Social Work at Denver University. They have the oldest GSSW program this side of the Continental Divide and one of the very few that offer an Interpersonal Stress and Trauma Certificate. Basically, I'm in love with Denver and the school.

I have no desire for a commuter marriage - though the boys has suggested/threatened to send me to Denver on my own so he isn't "holding [me] back" - and I'm not confident I would be accepted the first go around any way. So, here I am with time on my hands and trying to figure out how to best use that time so I am in a better position to pursue Graduate school when the time comes.

One thing that has recently piqued my curiousity is pursuing a Certificate in Alcohol & Drug Addiction counseling. It is a one-year program, would get me a foot in the door to the mental health world, give me more fancy letters after my name, and give me additional certification for working with people suffering from PTSD. Which is ultimately my goal.

Currently I am researching the differences between the PCC certificate program and the PSU one. It's the same certificate as far as I can tell, but PSU has open enrollment and classes start in the fall.

Time will tell.