What if I filled out the application? What if I actually submitted it? What if I was selected? What would my life look like then? What if it's worth it? What if it's not?
It is becoming increasingly obvious that my work life has come to a stalemate. The job I have was a great job, with an organization I am proud to be part of, when I was finishing my college degree. It was never intended to be something permanent - even with the 12-cent raise and additional 4 hrs (woohoo, 28 hrs/week) upon graduation. My career, and life, goals are much bigger than this. I am not cut out to be an assistant and I do not feel good about my performance as of late.
So, I have dug in and am starting the job search process. Looking for jobs is never the problem. On many occasions I have searched craigslist and created an entirely new life in Denver, Phoenix, and, once, in Georgia. It's the actually filling out the application, and should the application get filled out, actually sending it in. I always fail on one of those two fronts.
The two jobs I have found that align with my long-term goals also come with some challenges. Namely, moving. I don't want a commuter marriage, so with moving comes the questions of what to do with my husband's schooling. My heart's desire is that he finish his degree and get his teaching certificate. His heart's desire is I find a job I am fulfilled in and will ultimately help me as I shoot for grad school.
We've been discussing our different options, but the thing that remains the same is my husband's support of me pursuing these options. There's nothing more motivating than that, despite all the "what ifs."