Quickening

They started as flutters, then became persistent tickles. Now it's a consistent strumming on the inside of my womb. Life. I am amazed and honored every minute of every day by this little miracle.

As I reflect on the past and look forward to the future, I am struck by the responsibility laid at our feet in bringing a child into the world. Children are so precious and their innocence is so quickly lost in this world.

Mary, did you know? As I wonder about who this child will be and as we prepare to become the parents we want to be, I look to the stars and wonder, "Why us?" The timing is God's and I am humbled in that knowledge. It is the time we had dreamed of for years, but had decided not long before those two pink lines appeared that now was not the time for us to grow our family.

Do you wonder, as you watch my face, if a wiser one should have had my place? The Christmas songs play and I'm reminded I am part of a larger story. This child is part of a legacy and I wonder if I am up for the task. Is anyone ever really ready to be a parent?

In a world as cold as stone, must I walk this path alone? Be with me now. This week's tragedies are a glaring reminder of all the evil in the world. Bigger than that, though, is the reminder there is also a lot of good. I so want to instill that in this little being... compassion, goodness, respect and, the greatest of these, love.

The Work of Christmas

When the song of the angels is stilled,

when the star in the sky is gone,

when the kings and princes are home,

when the shepherds are back with the flocks,

then the work of Christmas begins:

... to find the lost,

to heal those broken in spirit,

to feed the hungry,

to release the oppressed,

to rebuild the nations,

to bring peace among all peoples,

to make a little music with the heart…

And to radiate the Light of Christ,

every day, in every way,

in all that we do and in all that we say.

Then the work of Christmas begins.

-- Howard Thurman, adapted

 

Wishing you the Merriest of Christmases and a blessed New Year.

May we do the work of Christmas all year long.

Welcome Winter

This morning I saw a moon sliver, framed by birch silhouettes, in the most stunningly clear, crisp, inky blue winter sky. We rounded the corner and the magic was lost, but the image is burned in my head. It echoed Silent Night to me and reminded me to slow down and bask in the wonder of the holiday.

To Do Now or Later: Traditions

I'm a sucker for traditions. Yours... mine... those of people I've never met, doesn't matter. I enjoy reading about traditions and then figuring out how to incorporate them into my own if it's feasible to do so.

For the last seven years, one of our traditions has been to alternate holidays with our families: Thanksgiving in Baker, Christmas in San Diego, then the following year Thanksgiving in San Diego, Christmas in Baker, repeat. This has worked out really well and we always know what to do, where we're going, and what to expect when we get there.

This year, however, the family unanimously decided it would be best if we stayed in Oregon for Christmas and come to visit later when flights are more reasonable. While it's nice to not have to make travel plans or cry over plane tickets and ridiculous surcharges, I am feeling a bit lost. This has led to many conversations about making our own traditions.

While we have incorporated some of our families' traditions - I am making the Bentley brisket for the Monday Night Posse Christmas party on Monday and always fill stockings to overflowing in true Henshaw fashion, for example - we have not really made our own as a couple.

That's not to say there aren't things we do every year - like get a tree as soon as our schedule and finances allow, watch ELF, and buy a picture frame ornament to mark a moment in the last year (something we've been doing since 2006, the year before we married). We just don't have anything that's really ours.

It's a little late this year, but we are talking about traditions we want to establish now and then can modify or add to when we have children. This came out of a conversation in which I said something to the effect of, "I have lots of traditions, we just can't do them until we have little people," and Jason replied, "Stop trying to write me out of this! I want to be part too!"

I was a bit convicted by that statement. I am one who gets quite annoyed when people say, "When we have kids we'll x, y, z," or, "We're not going to do that until we by a house..." (within reason, of course there are some things you can't do until an earlier requirement has been filled), meanwhile life is happening now and they are missing it waiting for the next thing.

When we have children, they'll be around for 20 years; the time we have now is ours and I want to spend it making beautiful memories with my husband. That'll make Christmases with babies all the more sweet.

What are your traditions?

As long as I'm at AMC, this may well become a tradition.

Winter Reflections

Look not mournfully into the past.

It comes not back again.

Wisely improve the present.

It is thine.

Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. 

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ~

The red, gold, green, and white has come out of their boxes. Christmas music has been my companion for three weeks and the chill is in the air. Amidst the joyous chaos that is the holiday season, I find myself reflecting more and more on this last year and all the changes in store for us in the coming year. As a culture, we tend to think of January 1 as a clean slate, though it's not really true: it's merely a continuation of whatever we set in motion the year before.

Two years have passed since I had my meltdown. A year ago I was a barely functioning exoskeleton. The contrast between this year and last at this time is stark and beautiful. I am overwhelmed by the love and encouragement I received from those dearest to me and my heart overpours with gratitude for those who came alongside us and helped bear the load - emotionally, physically, and financially. I am so blessed. We are so blessed.

I feel such hope for the next year. More intense than the hope I felt while surrounded by the Monday Night Posse on New Year's Eve and more real. Does that even make sense? I'm not paralyzed by fear - I'm excited!

As we spend time with our family and friends in the coming weeks, sharing meals, exchanging gifts, playing games, and generally enjoying each other's company I want to have in the forefront of my mind the central purpose of the holiday I celebrate - the simple, beautiful gift that was given to mankind - and the gift I was given this year that will not end when the clock strikes Midnight on January 1.

 

Thankful Thursday: Funny Christmas Songs

I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. Lame, I know. Especially since I *big puffy heart* Christmas. It's my fave. Pandora just blessed me with this song so I'm passing it on to you... 

Thankful Thursday: Eggnog

Dear Eggnog,

Thank you for only appearing for three months out of the year. I think I might get sick of you if you were more available. It seems blasphemous to say that, but it's probably true. Your absence for most of the year makes it justifiable to be a bit gluttonous while you're present.

And when did you get so dynamic? I used to just drink you cold in a class. Now I can mix you with my other love - chai - or coffee, or eat you in the form of icecream. Way to keep with the times, Eggnog.

We're going to have a beautiful three months together.

Much love,
Nike

Goodbye, Christmas

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the spirit. I love the snow (which unfortunately causes much chaos in the Portland Metro area). I love trees, ornaments, presents, and eggnog. Today I went snowshoeing with some of the Monday Night Posse crew and was informed the holidays were over. This makes me a little sad. So here is my quick tribute to the 2009 Thanksgiving and Christmas season, as due to unforseen circumstances, I don't have pictures of the 1st Snowshoe Hike of the season. Oops.

Cook/Henshaw Cousins with Children & Significant Others
Thanksgiving, Santa Rosa, CA

Thanksgiving Revisited
December 4, 2009 - Bentley Chateau

Claire just might be the original Grinch, "Yay. I haz moovees."

Bentleys, Christmas 2009
(Not Jason's favorite Christmas idea. I love it, though.)

Santa visits the California Bentleys. Not the most flattering pictures, but my sweater did win the Ugly Sweater Contest. The picture does not do justice to its ugliness.

Yeah, it was a pretty good season.

On the Fourth Day of Christmas...

I'm staring out my window thinking it looks like early Spring in Eastern Oregon - there are squirrels taunting my little cat, the sun is shining, and the snow that dumped on us on Sunday is slowly melting, so green is showing through again. There are a few problems, however: I am not in Eastern Oregon and it's early winter.



It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas is playing on the radio and I'm catching up on my favorite non-profit, Soldiers' Angels. And, as inevitably happens, I am now feeling guilty about not "doing more." As cold as my house is, I am at home with a beautiful Christmas tree, my husband will be home in a few more hours, and we have plans to spend a wonderful Christmas with family. Meanwhile, my heroes on the front line will pass Christmas away from loved ones and in less than desirable conditions.

Enter Patti Patton-Bader, found of Soldiers' Angels and 2008's America's Favorite Mom. (And one of my heroes.) She received the rest of her prize last week - a shopping spree in New York - which she used as another opportunity to put our soldiers and their families in the forefront by using the shopping spree to "play Santa" to the children of wounded soldiers.

Every time I visit SoldiersAngels.com my faith in humanity is restored. There are people out there willing to give of their time, energy, and money to help others. My question is, how much am I willing to give up of myself to help others?

During this season of giving, these are the things I must ponder.

On the Third Day of Christmas...

This is the owl that started it all. In 2006 I lived in a townhouse with two other girls. It was my first place on my own and I was determined to have a Christmas tree. Every time we went to Target, I would pick up ornaments, and this little guy couldn't be passed up. He was clutching a branch, and had the cutest feathers above his realistic-looking owl eyes. I was in love.

Unfortunately, this was a challenging love, one, the ornament was inanimate and therefore couldn't return the affection, and, two, everyone else thought he was the ugliest thing they had ever seen. (Yeah, I still don't get it.) He would frequently be moved to the back of the tree where no one could see him (the tree only had about eight ornaments at this point in time and it was a pretty good sized tree from a u-cut tree farm).
In 2007, our first Christmas together, we were so involved with the Christmas musical and preparing for a week in San Diego, that we didn't get a tree. This did not, however, stop us from collecting more Christmas ornaments (I highly recommend Macy's after-Christmas sale) or our friends from bestowing Target's 2007 owl, which even I had to say was a little less than cute. In fact, I saw it in the store and said, "Yeek!" So we were rather amused when it popped up in the annual gift exchange. This picture makes it look a little cuter than it actually is. In person, it looks like an ewok. Which is fine if you're into Star Wars, but we are not.
And now we have the 2008 Target owl. I really can't decide what his cuteness factor is. He's slightly beauty challenged, but has rather cute, tufty "ear horns". His spindly stick legs are a little creepy and I'm convinced the cats are going to get a hold of him and chew them off. (Gus has already had a tussle with ewok-owl, who doesn't have things sticking out from his body to break off.) But all and all, he's one of what is becoming an annual tradition - "ugly" owl ornaments. And that's pretty cool.

On the Second Day of Christmas...

Our tree is all set up! This is our first Christmas tree since we've been married. We had one in 2006, but not last year. Dez and Andy (the cute kids on the couch) added some ornaments to our collection this year in the form of a new "beauty challenged" owl and a hedgehog, which is actually pretty cute. Last year they got us a big white owl that even I thought was hideous.

Christmas is a time when everyone's decorating personalities comes out. Jason and I like a simple, traditional country style. I have decided we need colored balls for the tree, however, because our tree looks rather bland unless you're standing next to it. The next picture is of Dez sitting next to the tree, so you can enjoy our topper.

Over the last few years I've been collecting animals made out of grass, sticks, pine cones and the like. It all started with one very special owl that I loved and everyone else thought was hideous. Since then, I have been the recipient of some rather interesting critters for my tree.

This is also Gus and Claire's first tree. Gus tried to climb it when we brought it in the house, and I wanted to let him so that when it fell over it didn't have ornaments on it and he wouldn't do it again, but I lost out. The good news is, he hasn't tried to climb it again. He is quite fond of it, however.

I love Christmas.

On the First Day of Christmas...

If you've known me for five minutes, you know that I love Christmas. Like, am crazy in love with it. Today is Thanksgiving Revisited, which is an annual "family" tradition I forced my now-husband and a couple friends to participate in a few years ago, because our real Thanksgiving dinner lacked cranberry sauce and candied yams. The obvious way to remedy that was to recreate Thanksgiving dinner. (Duh.) Now it is something we look forward to every year.

Ironically, this year Thanksgiving Revisited falls on the 12th day before Christmas, which got me to thinking, "Why don't I write a daily post about Christmassy things?" It's a wonderful way to help me focus on the season. Today, while listening to Amy Grant's, "Grown Up Christmas List," one of my all-time favorite Christmas songs I started wondering what things are on my grown up Christmas List. Below are my thoughts.

Nike's Grown-Up Christmas List:

1. That Good will prevail in every situation.
2. That every soldier will know he/she is loved and appreciated.
3. That we will reach out to help the hurting and lost instead of turning a blind eye.
4. That people will find contentment with family and friends over material goods.
5. That there will be an end to the in-fighting in our churches, our communities, and our world. We all want that same thing, we just suck at communicating that.

There are other things I would like to put on that list, but to name them would mean I would have to change my actions and attitudes. Even at Christmas, somethings are difficult to change. I think this list is a pretty good start, though.

Merry Christmas all!