Finding the Right Name

“Must a name mean something?" Alice asked doubtfully.

Of course it must," Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh; "my name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost.”  -- Lewis Carroll

I have always loved names. Unique names, mythological names, antiquated names, Biblical names... the list goes on. So much of my life, outlook, and confidence is wrapped up in my own name - victory and wisdom - that I have always taken the task of naming very seriously. 

Enter my husband. He also takes naming very seriously and we both want a strong, meaningful name for our child. And that's where the similarities stop. I say "Hilde," he says, "Norah." I say, "Freya" (nod to his Nordic roots) he looks at me like I grew a second head. I think the seriousness of naming may be one of the reasons the gestation period is 40+ weeks.

Nearly 10 years ago, we had settled on names for our children. In the meantime both of those names have skyrocketed to the top of the charts and/or been added to our family via other means. (Even the back up names, so strange.) So when the two pink lines showed up it was back to the drawing board. And what a fun drawing board it's been. 

While we still haven't settled on a name, we have narrowed the field to ones we both love and have meaning to us personally, historically, and etymologically. This I know: Little Girl will have a name that she can use to help define or challenge herself and can wear with pride. 

***As an aside, I think it's strange when people refer to their baby by name while s/he is still in utero. It makes me really uncomfortable. Part of it is I think it's important to meet and see the person you're naming before you saddle them with something. This is my quirk, so even if we settle on something (unlikely) before Little Girl arrives it'll stay under wraps. Jason doesn't want unsolicited feedback on names, which I also agree with. ***

Quickening

They started as flutters, then became persistent tickles. Now it's a consistent strumming on the inside of my womb. Life. I am amazed and honored every minute of every day by this little miracle.

As I reflect on the past and look forward to the future, I am struck by the responsibility laid at our feet in bringing a child into the world. Children are so precious and their innocence is so quickly lost in this world.

Mary, did you know? As I wonder about who this child will be and as we prepare to become the parents we want to be, I look to the stars and wonder, "Why us?" The timing is God's and I am humbled in that knowledge. It is the time we had dreamed of for years, but had decided not long before those two pink lines appeared that now was not the time for us to grow our family.

Do you wonder, as you watch my face, if a wiser one should have had my place? The Christmas songs play and I'm reminded I am part of a larger story. This child is part of a legacy and I wonder if I am up for the task. Is anyone ever really ready to be a parent?

In a world as cold as stone, must I walk this path alone? Be with me now. This week's tragedies are a glaring reminder of all the evil in the world. Bigger than that, though, is the reminder there is also a lot of good. I so want to instill that in this little being... compassion, goodness, respect and, the greatest of these, love.

Our Story: Part III

Continuing our story... Read Part 1 and Part II by clicking the links.

That year long engagement was a whirlwind of activity. The prince was involved in every activity from setting the date, picking out the cardstock for the DIY invitations, deciding on the color scheme, and choosing flowers. He even attended a Bridal Expo! The princess knew she was very lucky.

As months turned to weeks and then windled down to days, the two became more committed to one another and more excited about their life together.

The September 8, 2007 wedding was a beautiful evening affair. Amongst candlelight, the two pledged their lives to one another among their dearest family and friends. They committed fidelity through better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health 'til death do them part them "and even then will I love you."

In those early months the princess knew more love and laughter than she ever imagined possible. The two grew together as individuals, as a couple, and in their faith. They truly believed the "honeymoon period" would never end as each day they found themselves more in love than the previous.

****

But, in life, as in fairytales, good things do come to an end, at least for a time. In the fall of 2009, Duke Depression started weaseling his way into their happy home. By the following June it became obvious the princess was not experiencing an unusually long bout of seasonal affect depressive disorder (SADD), but was in "big D depression."  The winter of 2010 was the darkest the two ever went through as the Duke held the princess in his grasp.

The knights and ladies of the Monday Night Posse circled around the two, surrounding them with physical, emotional, and spiritual support. The nearly two years that followed would have been much darker, and maybe had a sadder ending, without them.

While the Duke held the princess captive, the prince set about managing life for the both of them - cleaning the house, making meals, paying the bills - while attending school and working full-time. His caretaking was so appreciated by the princess who considered getting out of bed and going to work a victory.

***

With the loving support of family and friends, counseling, severing unhealthy relationships, and an 18-month dose of Lord Zoloft, the princess began to reclaim her life bit by bit. By April 2012 she could confidently say she felt like herself and she fearlessly kicked the Duke to the curb.  

Reunited, the prince and princess celebrated their victory, became excited about hopes and dreams they thought lost for a time, and looked forward to their brighter future with the same unbridled enthusiasm they had entered their union.

The two didn't realize they were merely in an intermission and a bigger story was still playing out. Soon life would take another unexpected turn.

The Power of Stories: Part II

Lately I've spent a lot of time thinking about how we tell our stories, especially the less than glamorous ones. Do we hide them and let them own us or do we shape them as a part of us that we are learning/benefiting from? As we are currently in the midst of a shameful part of our story and are not of one mind on how to proceed, I've started thinking about what this season of our lives will look like five or ten years from now. Right now the emotions are raw and uninhibited. In time I know I'll see this with different eyes. How will the story be told then? This is the story I hope to tell my children...

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Ocean Beach, a princess met a wonderful prince. The two became fast friends and after some time realized there could be more meant for them than friendship. After a few months of courting long distance, the prince took a leap of faith, quit his job, and relocated to the wonderful land of Oregon to be nearer to his princess.

Those were wonderful days! The two shared a passion for the outdoors, exploring book stores, and were active in their church. They made new friends, became really good at badmitton, and enjoyed many road trips together. The time the princess spent in Spain studying only increased their fondness for one another, and when she returned the prince knew this was the woman he wanted to spend his life with.

So, on September 7 he gathered their two best friends and sent them on a mission while he was at worship team practice. Of the princess, he requested a picnic dinner for after practice. By time practice was over, the princess was not up to a late night picnic dinner, but the prince sweetly convinced her and she really was hungry after all.

Once they pulled into Mt. Tabor Park, a place they had long enjoyed walking around, the prince asked if the princess would like to be blindfolded. This was an age-old joke between the two, so she relented to his silly games by allowing him to throw his hoodie over her head and then lead her through the park.

They stopped near the summit, and when the princess removed the hood she thought the mountain was on fire. As her eyes adjusted she found her princes on bended knee with a beautiful ring. The "fire" was actually candles arranged in a heart shape around their picnic blanket.

She said yes.

~To Be Continued~

The Power of Stories: Part I

It's the eve of my fifth anniversary. This Friday, September 7 is so very different than that one in 2007 I remember so fondly. The one where I was surrounded by family and friends, wrapping up wedding details and celebrating another milestone - my Aunt Pam's 50th birthday. Above all, I was looking forward to committing the rest of my life to a man who had so unexpectedly come into my life three years prior and for whom I was so utterly and completely head over heels for.

Five years isn't such an extraordinarly long time in the grand scheme of life, but it is a major milestone. We have endured nearly every aspect of our vows with grace, thanksgiving, and sometimes a lot of self-sacrifice. In this new season of our marriage I can reflect on the day we took our vows with such promise, and a healthy dose of naivete, and recognize a pledge taken in faith sometimes means you're agreeing to stay true through things you couldn't ever have imagined. I think if someone had told me that then instead of a month ago I may have run in the other direction. It is probably for the best we can't see every trial our relationship will face "til death do {us} part."

I am becoming the family storyteller. The keeper of the stories of our family's trials and triumphs. Some of the stories are hard to hear and some are inspiring or just plain silly. I believe it is so important to pass those stories on, even the ugly ones, so the next generation knows they are not alone and others have gone before them and come through stronger. Those are the stories I so desperately need to hear while I am writing this difficult part of my own story. 

There is power and freedom in being an active participant in your story. Sometimes things happen that you would rather not share, but most times those things you don't want to share end up having power over you. When you tell your story you take control of it. The stories of better times hold us together when we're going through the muck and remind us where we've come from and when we reach the other side of it we can point to that time and say, "We did that, we made it."

It's our stories that can bind us or tear us apart. They are also the legacy we leave for the next generation. It doesn't do any good to keep them locked up.

Heeding the Call

The Midwife, Loren Entz
(source)

"We ask them questions about their sex lives, eat their food, feel inside their bodies, snoop around their houses, drink champagne at all hours, and best of all, we get to catch delicious little naked, wet babies. What I can’t figure out is, why doesn’t everyone want to be a midwife?” ~ Peggy Vincent,

Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife

As far back as I can remember birth has been something that has held my fascination. It has evolved from childish curiousity, to a fear of pregnant people, and, finally, to recognition that the human body is an incredible work of art capable of the seemingly impossible.

I was fortunate to be raised in a family where birth was normalized. The female body was created to carry and deliver babies and do it well. There was no fear in childbirth. Now, at an age where it seems I am surrounded by pregnant women or recently delivered babies, I have come full circle where I not only have no fear of the childbirth process, but want to be wholly involved in it.

The plan had always been for me to pursue my Master's degree, but through research, books, and conversations with people near and dear to me over the last couple years, I have realized my calling is not to counsel in the manner I had always pursued. My deepest desire is to educate and empower women to have the births they deserve and assist them during that sacred time. I am so excited to start down this path and am blessed to have had many affirmations along the way that this is the right course for my life.

This fall I will start checking off my prerequisites in order to pursue a Master of Science in Midwifery at Bastyr University next fall. The six college courses include College Algebra, Biology, Microbiology, Anatomy & Physiology I & II, and chemistry - courses I took in high school, but have passed their expiration date so to speak.

In addition to bolstering my college transcript, I will take attend a Labor Doula workshop and a Childbirth Educator workshop (two separate workshops). My sweet friend wants me with her when she delivers this winter/spring, so I want to have my Doula training done before then so I can be of the best service to her. (I am so honored to be asked to be with her - it will be a first for both of us.)

Doors are opening and I'm delighted to have this opportunity. I am looking forward to following in the footsteps of great midwives who have gone before me and am excited for the opportunities and adventures that are sure to follow such a calling. 

Carve Your Name

"Carve your names on hearts, not on marble." ~Charles Spurgeon

The beauty and simplicity of this quote that popped up on our office calendar earlier this week two months ago has stuck in my mind. Is the way I choose to live my life positively impacting the people around me? Am I investing in the growth of others or in things that won't last? I think these are questions worth asking ourselves daily - or hourly.

Do It Anyway

Do It Anyway

By Kent M. Keith, popularized by Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

Redemption

The last month has been a whirlwind of emotions. It has been a proving ground for my faith and values. It has been uncomfortable, painful, exhausting, and trying. In coming face to face with a nightmare I have seen what my values are really made of

As my support system has split into factions around the issue I have been able to hold my head up and keep pushing through with a sense of peace I've never known. Yes, fear of the unknown is there. Yes, my plans have been trashed. Yes, my life is upside down and inside out and none of it is fair or my fault. Yes, my heart is bruised and broken. Yet despite all the discomfort and pain, the knowledge that it is all out of my hands and at the close - however far into the future that ends up being - the Bentleys will be stronger for having endured.

In the time I've spent meditating on and practicing grace I have begun to wrestle with the question of redemption and restoration. I believe redemption is always possible, and out of that comes restoration, but in my humanness I don't always want to believe it's available to everyone. The beauty of the gift is I don't get to pick and choose who "qualifies" for redemption. I am comforted that not one of us is ever too far beyond the reach of grace and there is always hope for restoration if we're willing to do the dirty work. Redemption and restoration is dirty work.

Lord, help me stand by my relationships even in the yuck and see the work through to completion. May You make something beautiful from these ashes. 

Beauty from the Muck

My world got rocked this week. I'm in shock and am more or less in damage control mode. We will survive this because that is what I want, but we're going to have to wade through a lot of shit before we get to the other side. The image of the lotus has been at the forefront of my mind the last couple days.

I've always thought the lotus was a neat flower. Recently a friend was having a rough year and she shared with me the story of the lotus. The lotus is unique because, as Confucian scholar Zhou Dunyi wrote, "I love the lotus because while growing from mud, it is unstained." It rises above its environment, it controls itself, and it is truly a beautiful flower.

Life is often a series of muck and yuck. I so want to rise above it and remain unstained. Lord, that I might have the strength to suffer well and come out the other side unstained and victorious.

*****

"Yet the beauty of His grace is only highlighted and magnified by our sin, and all the more beautiful for it!  And I can't help but think that the result of redemption and grace is all the more beautiful and appreciated than the perfectly created original." Beautiful words from a dear friend.

Year Five: I Still at Sea

Safe to Port (9th Century requiem for the Abbess of Grandestine – author unknown)

Thou hast come safe to port,
I still at sea

Flying Colours tribute flag.

The light is on thy head,

Darkness in me.

Pluck thou in Heaven’s field

Violet and rose,

While I strew flowers

That will thy vigil keep.

Thou hast come safe to port,

I still at sea

The light is on thy head,

Darkness in me.

While I strew flowers

That will thy vigil keep,

Where thou doest sleep

Love, in thy last repose.

Today is the seventh of May. It snuck up on me this year. On Sunday, as I drove out to the Interpretive Center and saw "Rhiannon's" tree up on the hill, my chest constricted. Just like that I became hyper-aware of the date and the significanc the next day would bring. I couldn't breathe. Five years later and my heart still stops and my eyes still well up with tears. Time doesn't heal all wounds.

The poem above was brought into my life in November. Michael Hoppe, a local composer, came across it while on vacation and set it to music. A connection introduced him to our choir, Voices of Hope, and we plan to record it sometime in the next year. It is hauntingly beautiful and I can not sing it without seeing Rhi's parents laying white roses out in the Atlantic on what would have been her 23 birthday - two months after her boat was lost at sea. It has become a truly cathartic song for me.

Peace friend. We remember.

Grace and Thanksgiving

Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” ²⁷ And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you, ²⁸ for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. ~ Matthew 26:26-28, ESV

This morning, while riding MAX, I started reading the book I picked up almost a week ago. Since it is an actual book and not an audiobook it has taken me awhile to get to it. The title, One Thousand Gifts, deals with subject matter I've been especially interested in as of late: grace, living fully and intentionally. How apropos that chapter 2 ("a word to live... and die by") should dovetail so sweetly with these things and also teach me a new word: eucharisteo.

Yes, I am familiar with the term eucharist as it is used in the Catholic Church (which I am not familiar with) as the serving of communion. Ann Voskamp broke the word down into it's Greek origins - root words for grace and thanksgiving sandwiched together - and it made me look at the gospel in a new light. On the night of his betrayal - before he was tortured, crucified, separated from the Father - He gave thanks.

If Christ made it a priority to give thanks before his darkest hour, it behooves me to give thanks in my every day, mundane things. This is the message I will take with me as Semana Santa gives way to the glory of Resurrection Day.

May we all live fully in eucharist, giving thanks for every thing every day and extending grace.

Dr. Seuss Wisdom

“Be who you are and say what you feel,

because those who mind don't matter,

and those who matter don't mind.”

― Dr. Seuss

 

My best friend sent me the quote above after I had a difficult start to the morning. Over the last couple years I have been trying to find my voice again. This morning I was challenged and considered deleting a blog post that I consider one of the best pieces I've ever written. To do so would have been to silence a piece of me, so in the end I left it. It is a part of my family history and it has affected, and is still affecting, us. I will not recant how I felt in that moment, nor how the story has played out. You are correct: it cannot be undone. None of it can.

 

I don't know who sent me the message. If it is the person I suspect, despite it all I love you. You have been a part of my life for years and I honor that. My heart hurts that you would leave such an angry anonymous note instead of talking to me directly. The picture of you, my brother, and I in the Armory stairwell is still one of my most beloved pictures. Aside from the accusations, I don't know what transpired to cause such a drastic relational shift, but I think if you were to take a look at the history you would find the accusations mute.  I am sorry life has dealt you a crappy hand over the last year. It is my prayer you find healing for the hurts you carry and find comfort in those who love you.

 

If you are not someone I have a history with I don't know what to say that won't sound completely condescending, which is not my intent. You don't know me and I don't know you, so it is a leap to expect you to know my heart. It is clear I have offended you and it seems I have a very different picture of the course of events than you do. What I do know is myself, my family, and those who matter to me. I hope what you described was a gross exaggeration. If it was not, I hope you have people in your life who recognize that you are struggling and will rally around you. In the case you don't or they can't, it is my prayer you will see that there is always hope and find a way out yourself and make a better tomorrow.

 

Don't give up.

Friday Pondering

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.

No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, blame.

The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey -

and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.

This is the day your life really begins.

What is it that makes us feel like we aren't good enough or we are obligated to make others happy at the expense of our own well-being? These are things I wish I had an answer to.

History of Reading + I {heart} Audiobooks

Once I learned how to read, which took me longer than most things to grasp, I devoured everything I could get my hands on. I read most of Nancy Drew, every Babysitter's Club book published until age 11 when I decided I just couldn't keep up (there are 131, not including seven off-shoots with 15+ titles each - insanity). The book fairs at school were nirvana and I listed the public library as my favorite place in town.

As time has passed, I wish more and more I had kept a record of the books I read. There is a particular book I remember bits and pieces of that I wish I could re-read as I might understand it better at 26 than I did at 9 (my reading material was not monitored as a child) and I think there should be a sequel as the ending was so weird. It may also be the reason I never really got into Sci-Fi. A couple years ago I started documenting the books I read, and the ones I want to read, and that has helped me greatly.

The amount of time I have available to read has fluctuated through the years, but it has always been a core part of my life. The night my Maid of Honor arrived at my house I was laying on my couch, surrounded by wedding favors, reading Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix kept me company in the pool lounge chair (in the water) while my new husband went up and down the pool slide.

Recently, I have had less time to read. I leave for work at 7 am, return home between 6-6:30 pm, try to spend some time with my husband, eat, work out, get to bed at a decent hour, etc. Life has happened and I'm trying to figure out where my reading time has gone.

While lamenting to my aunt about this, she suggested I start listening to audiobooks. I spend roughly 2 hours a day in my car, alone, and there are only so many songs and so many radio stations. I decided to give it a whirl and omigoodness has it changed my life! In the last month and a half I have "read" four books while on my commute. I still prefer curling up with a paperback, a blanket, and a kitty, but having someone read to me in the car is not a bad second option. (The trick is getting a reader whose voice isn't annoying. I will have to read "Lucky One" in print as the reader's voice was much too grating. All of Maeve Binchy's books are delightful on audio.)

So, if you can't find the time to read a book, go to your library and pick up an audiobook. It will rock your world, especially if you spend many an hour commuting.

What's on your reading list?

Thankful Thursday: Promises

I haven't written a "Thankful Thursday" post in awhile and today I realized I'm thankful for promises.

My history is, as I'm sure everyone's is, littered with broken promises. Some that caused tears, some that caused scars, and still others that resulted in a complete loss of trust.

The thing with broken promises, though, is they make the promises that are kept that much sweeter.

Today, I'm thankful that my friend who said she'd always be there for me when we were eleven is still one of the few people I talk to on a regular basis.

I'm thankful my husband has truly stood by me in sickness and health, richer and poorer, good times and bad, especially the sick/poor/bad.

I'm thankful that the promise I most doubted, the one that people I trust most uttered one after another, seems to be coming to fruition. I'm going to be okay.

Grace and Strength

In keeping with my current ponderings about grace, strength, light and New Year's resolutions, today I looked up at my calendar and was challenged by this month's verse:

"Be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 2:1

For some reason this hit me really hard this morning. I often think of strength as being overpowering and grace as being gentle. To see those two words side by side, complementing one another, has made my head spin in a way that will require me to sit with it for awhile. Be strong. In grace.

As I continue to reflect on last year and what I want this year to look like I have thought a lot (alot) about the My One Word challenge. While it is spiritual in nature, I think it could be applied secularly as well: How do you want to grow? What kind of person do you want to be by 2012's end? How would implementing one word change your relationships?

Passion... Grace... Intention.... these are words I'm mulling over.

What one word would you choose to guide your actions and what kind of person would that word shape you into?

2011: Life is Good

I'm a little late on this annual tradition (three days!). I have been having so much fun with family and friends I haven't really sat down to reflect on 2011. Something I'll have more time for this evening, me thinks. 2011 brought many good things and was a far cry from 2010. Without further ado...

2011: The Survey

Was 2011 good for you? Yes, life was good.

What was your favorite moment of the year? Honestly, it may have been holding my dear friend's newborn. That is the moment that sticks out and I still get teary eyed thinking about it. Life is a blessing.

What was your worst moment of the year? It was pretty upsetting when I realized I'd spent all weekend taking pictures with a broken camera that didn't have a memory card. But the worst was gett the call from my brother after he'd just gotten home from the ER.

Where were you when 2011 began? At the Hall's house.

Who were you with? The Monday Night Posse

Where were you when 2011 ended? Snuggled in the guest bed sound asleep.

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2011? To live boldly. To be intentional in my actions, be present in every moment, and stand my ground. I didn't live as boldly or as intentionally as I would have liked, but I was more present.

Do you have a new year's resolution for 2012?  I want to live intentionally. That is, do what I say I'm going to do, be consistenet in word and deed, and cherish the moment. 2012 will be bringing many life changes and I want to soak them all up.

Did you fall in love in 2011? Every. single. day.

Did you make any new friends in 2011? A few.

What was your favorite month of 2011? August

Why this month? August was an awesome month for outdoor activities (hiking, Cascade Lakes Relay, Hood to Coast, etc) and lots of family time.

Did you travel outside of the country in 2011? No, I still need to renew my passport. Maybe 2012 will be the year I actually make it to Canada?

How many different places did you travel to in 2011? I don't know that I even got on a plane in 2011. Weird.

Did you miss anybody in the past year? Missed my brother, so glad those days are over.

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2011? How to Train Your Dragon

What was your favorite song from 2011? "Raise Your Glass" by Pink or "I Love You This Big" by Scotty

How many concerts or plays did you see in 2011? Hmmm... everything I thought I'd seen I apparently saw last year. So perhaps none.

Did you have a favorite concert in 2011? Voices of Hope concert at The Grotto. I always love singing at The Grotto.

What was your favorite book in 2011?
Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Nope.

What was the biggest lie you told in 2011? "I'm doing better."

Did you treat somebody badly in 2011? No.
Did somebody treat you badly in 2011? Yes, but we worked it out.

What was your proudest moment of 2011? Accepting the job at Adventist Medical Center Foundation.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2011? Possibly when my brother took his pants off during karaoke.

If you could go back to any moment of 2011 and change something, what would it be? The thing I would like to have changed was my sister and my best friend's wedding being on the same day in different (not close) cities. Not something I could change, but it is the thing I would have liked changed.

Where did you work in 2011? LifeWorks NW and AMC Foundation

Favorite TV shows(s) of 2011? Big Bang Theory, Grimm, and Once Upon a Time

Favorite Band(s) of 2011? The Band Perry

Favorite Food in 2011? Honey Lavender or Copa Mista gelato

Favorite Drink in 2011? Vanilla Chai Tea

Favorite Place in 2011? Bend

Favorite person(s) to be with in 2011? Jason, Aunt Deb, Dad, and Heather

Favorite person(s) to talk to in 2011? Aunt Deb, Bobby, Grandma+pa

Favorite trip in 2011? Anniversary weekend in Bend

Favorite stores in 2011? Stash Tea Warehouse

Hardest thing you had to go through in 2011? Starting depression medication was a tough decision, but one I'm glad I made.

Most exciting moment(s) in 2011? Getting chickens. New babies. Seeing family. Christmas. Planning a trip to Disney World/Disney Princess Half Marathon with Leslie. Little brother being discharged from the Marine Corp... lots of excitement.

Funniest moment(s) in 2011? I need to remember these better. Probably when I fell through the snow with one leg while we were hiking around the Strawberry Wilderness and yelled, "Hey, I found the trail!" Or my going away cake from LifeWorks NW.

Wishing you the most blessed 2012!



Four Happy Years - September 2011 - Bend, OR



Thankful Thursday: Present and Future

My very own cake wreck.
How many errors do you see?

Today is my last day as Development Assistant at LifeWorks NW. It doesn't seem real yet, but as the hours tick by I know I am getting closer to closing this three year chapter of my life.

This job was a blessing three years ago when I found myself 30 credits away from graduating with my Bachelor's, but my full-time job would not accommodate a full-time school schedule. I needed a job that would work with my school schedule. What I found was a surprisingly well-paying part-time job with flexible hours, PTO, and benefits. Life works when you get the help you need.

I continued my part-time schedule after graduation, with consistent encouragement full-time hours would become available, but unfortunately the agency was never able to deliver on this. During the three years as Development Assistant I honed my database skills, delved into the world of event planning, and expanded my knowledge of the intricacies of office work. Life works when you get the help you need.

Today is my last day. When I close down my computer and walk out the door it will be for the last time. I am thankful for the opportunities and skills LifeWorks NW provided me and I am excited for the future in store for me as a result of the lessons learned here. Life really does work when you get the help you need.

PS: Check out my guest blog at Rough and Rede.

Transitions & Things

There's been a lot of change and chaos in the Bentley household as of late. In short, our house has been in a constant state of recovery after the July rainstorm, all our office and kitchen things have been piled in our bedroom and living room, I've been working two part-time jobs, and we've been housing friends and family nearly every weekend since May.  My mantra this summer has been, "Two more weeks, you can survive anything for two more weeks."

Two weeks ago, I accepted the Campaign and Donor Records Coordinator position at Adventist Medical Center Foundation. This is the job I have been filling in at and was honored they invited me to interview and ecstatic when they called the next morning after my evening interview to offer me the position. For the first time since graduation I feel like I can breathe again. Our finances have been stressful and this is just the boost we needed.

During the last two weeks of transition, as I look at my piles of laundry and pile of things in the living room, I feel the chaos of my surroundings permeating my being. The more the stuff sits, the more I begin to wonder if I really need it. And really want it gone. I've been reading minimalist and simple living blogs trying to figure out how to go about downsizing and simplifying my life. I like peace and clean lines, but you'd never know it looking at my house (or desk) right now.

As part of our transition to a DINK household (double income, no kids), something we haven't been for a couple years, we are taking a hard look at our finances and our lifestyle. We want to expand our family in the next couple years and as a caveat to that we really want to ingrain healthy habits - both physical and financial - now by paying down our debts and making exercise a staple in our routine. 

One option we are looking at is leaving our 2 bed/1.5 bath townhouse in the suburbs for a 1 bed/1 bath apartment closer to my new job. It's easier for me to take public transit and the commute for Jason from the places we're looking at are shorter than what I will be driving starting next week. I love my townhouse and am both excited and terrified of downsizing. 

I want simplicity back in my life, I want those clean lines and a place for everything. I want to reach in a drawer and get exactly what I'm looking for. The difficult part is deciding what to let go of and what to hold on to. I'm starting small - a drawer here, a cupboard there, a closet - and slowly but surely freeing myself of things. You can do anything for a year, and if moving to a small house is what is best for us at this time I have no fear that we will be happy in our new little nest - wherever that may be.