2012: But for the Grace of God go I

The sun is setting on another year. The air has turned a bitter cold and as I breathe it in I reflect back on what 2012 brought and taught me. It was a strange year that will reverberate through and color the rest of my life. Fortunately, the heartbreak and joy balance eachother out nicely.

2012: The Survey

Was 2012 good for you? This year was challenging, humbling, and full of growth. Those things aren't bad, just uncomfortable. 

What was your favorite moment of the year? This year my favorite moment was sitting in an ultrasound room with my husband listening to our baby's heartbeat for the first time. I wish you could bottle up those emotions and relive them every day. There is nothing like the sound of a miracle.

What was your worst moment of the year? The single worst moment was learning I'd been lied to by the one person I trust unconditionally. The fall out from that was pretty hairy as well.

Where were you when 2012 began? I don't remember and there are no pictures to document the occasion... Oh wait. I spent all of December 30 in Bend doing the Ale Trail. December 31 we were recovering and Jason and I drove home. I remember driving home, it's entirely possible I stayed home and slept once we got there.

Who were you with? I'm sure Jason and the cats were home.


Did you keep your new years resolution of 2012? In 2012, I committed to the My One Word challenge. My word was grace and I can say in confidence that choosing to respond in grace and hold myself to a standard of grace has positively affected every area of my life.

Where were you when 2012 ended? At the Higley house with Higley parents, Josh, Laura, Palke, and Jason. We watched Season 7 How I Met Your Mother episodes 2-10. 


July 2012 - Dinner at Elmers on the
way home from Cousin Palooza 2012.

Do you have a new year's resolution for 2013? I will continue with the One Word challenge, though I am not sure what this year's word will be yet. Humbleness, consciousness, and hope are all words I'm tossing around right now.
 
Did you fall in love in 2012? Yes, and I learned to choose love even when it's really, really hard.
Did you make any new friends in 2012? Met some new runners and friends of friends.



This was the best picture from the race. Leslie is terrified of
mascots and finds Stitch particularly frightening.
So awesome.

 What was your favorite month of 2012? February.

Why this month? In February my best friend and I took a girls' trip to Orlando, stayed at a DisneyWorld resort, ran the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon (my first) and visited Harry Potter World. So much was packed into five days and every day of it was awesome.


Did you travel outside of the country in 2012? Well, 2012 was NOT the year I actually went to Canada. Seriously, I will renew my passport. I was just thinking about this earlier today, but I have fatty pregnant face right now and I'm not thrilled with the idea of renewing my passport whilst 5 months pregnant.

Preparing for Turtle Shell 2 Epic Relay activation and reuniting
with Kisha after she spent a year in the Dominican Republic.

How many different places did you travel to in 2012? Roseburg, Epic Oregon Relay (Tigard to Eugene), up and down the northern Oregon Coast, and Orlando.


Did you miss anybody in the past year? I got pretty anxious for my grandparents to come back north and started missing the Johnstons dreadfully mid-winter. Fortunately everyone was back home by June.


What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2012? "Brave" and "Les Miserables" are the only movies I remember watching in 2012 (Les Mis just made the cutoff with a New Year's Eve 7 pm showing). I preferred Les Mis to Brave.

What was your favorite song from 2012? "Blessings" by Laura Story
How many concerts or plays did you see in 2012? Zack Freiwald down at Earth & Vine in Baker City.


Did you have a favorite concert in 2012? Voices of Hope concert at Living Savior Lutheran. We weren't singing this year, but it's always so great to hear them sing.


What was your favorite book(s) in 2012? Unladylike: Resisting the Injustice of Inequality in the Church by Pam Hogeweide and Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis made the biggest impact on my life. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling had me in stiches an entire weekend.

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Nope.

Dad, Mama, Ryan, Steph, and Judah Bentley came to visit!
August 2012 - Bob's Red Mill

What was the biggest lie you told in 2012? "We're great."

Did you treat somebody badly in 2012? I had some moments with my husband I could have shown more grace. Sometimes grace is really, really hard.

Happy, tired Finishers!
Disney Princess 1/2 Marthon
Disney World, Orlando

Did somebody treat you badly in 2012? The bad behavior was not directed at me, but it definitely had lasting consequences that affected/are affecting me.

What was your proudest moment of 2012? Finishing the Disney Princess 1/2 marathon.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2012? The first time I threw up at work from pregnancy induced nausea. It didn't get less embarrassing, but we all kinda accepted that was going to be the routine for awhile.

Katie's (pregnant lady in denim skirt) baby shower fun!
Looking forward to three more of these in 2013.

If you could go back to any moment of 2012 and change something, what would it be? My response on May 15, though part of me is glad things played out the way they did cause it could have been worse.

Where did you work in 2012? AMC Foundation

Favorite TV shows(s) of 2012? Once Upon a Time and we've gotten into Burn Notice

Favorite Band(s) of 2012? The Band Perry and ABBA

Favorite Food in 2012? Mashed potatoes and cantaloupe

 

Butterbeer at Three Broomsticks
Harry Potter World, Universal

 Favorite Drink in 2012? Butterbeer

Favorite Place in 2012? German and Norway Pavilions at Epcot

Favorite person(s) to be with in 2012? Leslie, Dez, Heather, and Crystal

Favorite person(s) to talk to in 2012? Aunt Deb, Bobby, Grandma+pa

Favorite trip in 2012? Orlando trip with Leslie. Bonneville Dam Hot Springs for my birthday is a close second.

Favorite stores in 2012? I really didn't do much shopping this year... Cottonbabies and Amazon got most of my spending money.


Hardest thing you had to go through in 2012? Rebuilding my marriage.


Most exciting moment(s) in 2012? Running the 1/2 Marathon at Disney World/Epcot. Crystal's pregnancy. Ethan's birth. Going off the antidepressant medication. Spending a week with the Bentley Family. Laura's pregnancy. My own pregnancy and learning we're having a little girl (totally won the lottery on that one). Planning a trip to San Diego.



Funniest moment(s) in 2012? Laughing while our doctor friend was doing an ultrasound. Now every time I laugh I picture what happens to the baby and that makes me laugh harder.



The day we found out we were having a girl. You can't tell,

but we were totally in shock and still absorbing the news.

2013 will bring the first Bentley grandgirl!



May 2013 bring you much joy, peace and happiness.

Go make your dreams come true!

Grace and Thanksgiving

Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” ²⁷ And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you, ²⁸ for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. ~ Matthew 26:26-28, ESV

This morning, while riding MAX, I started reading the book I picked up almost a week ago. Since it is an actual book and not an audiobook it has taken me awhile to get to it. The title, One Thousand Gifts, deals with subject matter I've been especially interested in as of late: grace, living fully and intentionally. How apropos that chapter 2 ("a word to live... and die by") should dovetail so sweetly with these things and also teach me a new word: eucharisteo.

Yes, I am familiar with the term eucharist as it is used in the Catholic Church (which I am not familiar with) as the serving of communion. Ann Voskamp broke the word down into it's Greek origins - root words for grace and thanksgiving sandwiched together - and it made me look at the gospel in a new light. On the night of his betrayal - before he was tortured, crucified, separated from the Father - He gave thanks.

If Christ made it a priority to give thanks before his darkest hour, it behooves me to give thanks in my every day, mundane things. This is the message I will take with me as Semana Santa gives way to the glory of Resurrection Day.

May we all live fully in eucharist, giving thanks for every thing every day and extending grace.

History of Reading + I {heart} Audiobooks

Once I learned how to read, which took me longer than most things to grasp, I devoured everything I could get my hands on. I read most of Nancy Drew, every Babysitter's Club book published until age 11 when I decided I just couldn't keep up (there are 131, not including seven off-shoots with 15+ titles each - insanity). The book fairs at school were nirvana and I listed the public library as my favorite place in town.

As time has passed, I wish more and more I had kept a record of the books I read. There is a particular book I remember bits and pieces of that I wish I could re-read as I might understand it better at 26 than I did at 9 (my reading material was not monitored as a child) and I think there should be a sequel as the ending was so weird. It may also be the reason I never really got into Sci-Fi. A couple years ago I started documenting the books I read, and the ones I want to read, and that has helped me greatly.

The amount of time I have available to read has fluctuated through the years, but it has always been a core part of my life. The night my Maid of Honor arrived at my house I was laying on my couch, surrounded by wedding favors, reading Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix kept me company in the pool lounge chair (in the water) while my new husband went up and down the pool slide.

Recently, I have had less time to read. I leave for work at 7 am, return home between 6-6:30 pm, try to spend some time with my husband, eat, work out, get to bed at a decent hour, etc. Life has happened and I'm trying to figure out where my reading time has gone.

While lamenting to my aunt about this, she suggested I start listening to audiobooks. I spend roughly 2 hours a day in my car, alone, and there are only so many songs and so many radio stations. I decided to give it a whirl and omigoodness has it changed my life! In the last month and a half I have "read" four books while on my commute. I still prefer curling up with a paperback, a blanket, and a kitty, but having someone read to me in the car is not a bad second option. (The trick is getting a reader whose voice isn't annoying. I will have to read "Lucky One" in print as the reader's voice was much too grating. All of Maeve Binchy's books are delightful on audio.)

So, if you can't find the time to read a book, go to your library and pick up an audiobook. It will rock your world, especially if you spend many an hour commuting.

What's on your reading list?

Week 15: A Fanfic

This week I'm supposed to tell you about my favorite fan fiction/fanfic/fic/ff. I think it suffices to say that I had to look up "fanfic" cause I didn't know what it means. Until last week I'd never read a fanfic and I'm not sure what I started reading even qualifies, but here you go... Blogging Twilight.

(I heart Twilight. I also appreciate humor.)

Week 14: A Nonfiction Book

Happy Monday! 

The most recent nonfiction book I read was Cartwheels in a Sari: A Memoir of Growing up Cult by Jayanti Tamm. It was fascinating to get an insider's view of a faith so different from my own, yet the struggles we both have be so similar. Jayanti tells her story with humor and compassion - both for herself and for the guru who turned out to be a sham. 

The nonfiction book that I still think of often, however, I have already reviewed. So, out of sheer laziness, I will refer you to this post. Little Brother and I were just discussing Nick Popaditch the other day. My "face of the Marines" brother still hasn't read it. You should.

Week 13: A Fictional Book

I just finished reading The Girl Who Played With Fire, by Stieg Larsson. Here's the thing about me and books... even if I hate a book I have to finish it. It's a matter of principle. 

(To date, in my 19 years of reading I have failed to complete three books. Three. You should know I am a prolific reader and during the winter average two books a week.) 

That said, I'm not particularly enjoying the Millenium Chronicles. The characters aren't very likeable - though I don't wish any of them ill - and the writing is so very, very slow. Also, I feel there are some key things I'm missing because I don't know a lot about Sweden, namely the geography or the value of a kronor.

I felt much the same at the end of this book as I did at the end of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Fortunately, this time I knew there was a third book and the book I had had the first twelve pages of the next book. Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, you had better be worth it.

Week 4: My Favorite Book

I am a prolific reader and always have been. My tastes tend to run to historical fiction, top sellers, and whatever I happen to cross in the library or bookstore. Below are a few of my favorites based on the following criteria: number of times I've read the book, how often I think about the book years later, and recommendability of the book.

1) Pretense, Lori Wick. I have read this book no less than five times and every time I do I pick up some new gem in it. As I type this I'm thinking, "Hey, I haven't read this book since I married. Wonder what new insights I'll find now."

The Amazon editorial review wrote the following:

Marrell, a happily married army wife, adores her family, but throughout her life she’s felt something missing. When she discovers that the void is spiritual, she is afraid to tell her husband. Will he understand that he cannot meet all of her needs, and that she cannot meet all of his? Covering the lives of Marrell and her two daughters, Mackenzie and Delancey, from the 1970s to the 1990s, Pretense is a character–rich novel written from Lori’s heart that shows the patient love of God and the promise of His forgiveness for all who seek Him.

 2) Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver. I have read this book twice and think of it often. The story is so... haunting, for lack of a better description. When I read it I had several missionary friends and wondered about their experiences in Papau New Guinea; Johannesburg, Africa; etc. In many ways, this book was my first introduction to exploring different cultures and cultural tolerance. Even with my limited knowledge of cultural acceptance, fanatical Nathan's approach to converting the natives was so awful it has stuck with me and has helped monitor my own interactions in regards to faith and God. 

From Amazon: The year is 1959 and the place is the Belgian Congo. Nathan, a Baptist preacher, has come to spread the Word in a remote village reachable only by airplane. To say that he and his family are woefully unprepared would be an understatement: "We came from Bethlehem, Georgia, bearing Betty Crocker cake mixes into the jungle," says Leah, one of Nathan's daughters. But of course it isn't long before they discover that the tremendous humidity has rendered the mixes unusable, their clothes are unsuitable, and they've arrived in the middle of political upheaval as the Congolese seek to wrest independence from Belgium. In addition to poisonous snakes, dangerous animals, and the hostility of the villagers to Nathan's fiery take-no-prisoners brand of Christianity, there are also rebels in the jungle and the threat of war in the air. Could things get any worse? In fact they can and they do.

 3) The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd. If you haven't read this book, please stop reading this and take yourself to your local library. Run, don't walk. How have you not read this?

I don't know what it is about this book that captures me so much. Maybe it's my obsession with the South. Maybe my fascination with bees. Maybe I identify with Lily on some level - constantly trying to make up for a shattered childhood. Whatever the reason, this book is sure to be a classic.

(As a side note, do not read Sue Monk Kidd's The Mermaid Chair. It was awful.)

There you have it. In short, the three books I'd take to a deserted island if I could only have three. If I could take more I would take Harry Potter 1-7, Twilight and Breaking Dawn, and a few of Philippa Gregory's books.

Happy reading!

Sarah's Key: Never Forget

It has been awhile since I read a book that touched me so deeply I felt compelled to share it. (In fact, it was over a year ago after reading Once a Marine, by Nick Popaditch). Sarah's Key by Tatianna de Rosnay has so compelled me.

Historical fiction is one of my favorite genres, especially in conjunction with World War II, the Holocaust, and mideval kingdoms. Sarah's Key intertwines two stories, one of 10-year-old Sarah in occupied France in 1942, the other of Julia Jarmond, an American journalist married into a French family in modern day Paris.

The book begins with police pounding on the door of the Starzynki's apartment on July 16,1942. Naive to the situation, and having no reason to fear French police, Sarah locks her four-year-old brother in their secret cupboard, promising to return after everything has been straightened out with the police.

Sarah's papa had been hiding in the cellar as rumors of a "big round up" had been circulating. No one anticipated, under orders of the French police, all the Jews would be rounded up, including French born children. In the middle of the night, they were taken to the Velodrome d'Hiver on city buses and left in deplorable conditions before being sent on city buses and city trains to outlying "work camps" and then, ultimately, to their deaths at Auschwitz.

60 years later, Julia Jarmond is asked to research the Vel' d'Hiv' roundup as part of an anniversary article for her magazine. Julia is confronted with the horror of that night, shame for not knowing, and anger at how the French government and people refuse to acknowledge what happened. The more she learns and researches, the more she starts to unlock family secrets and a horrific history. In the end she must decide for herself the value of life and the price of honesty.

Sarah's story is heartbreaking. Julia's is one of awareness. Neither should be ignored and I won't soon forget either of their stories. 

At the end of the book I felt very much how Julia did, "I am so, so sorry... I am sorry for not knowing."

***

Historical note: July 16-17, 1942 13,000 French Jews were rounded up from Paris and its suburbs and taken to the Velodrome d'Hiver. They were then loaded on buses and sent to Loiret. On July 20, children were forcibly removed from their mothers at Loiret. The mothers were sent on to Auschwitz gas chambers; the children to Drancy, unaccompanied and mostly unidentified, then to Auschwitz and death. Roughly 4,000 children were massacred as a result of Operation Spring Wind. Click here for more info.

Books, Target, and a Pleasant Surprise

I love reading and I'm pretty non-discriminating when it comes to genres. My tastes tend to run to historical fiction (I was reading Philippa Gregory's work before The Other Boleyn Girl took off at the box office), with an occasional dabble in fantasy a la the Twilight saga and Harry Potter.


I most recently listened to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson on CD, which was a new experience for me. I wouldn't recommend foreign books on audio - especially one that required a genealogy in its printed form - if you've never listened to audiobooks before.

But I digress...The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was printed posthumously. The story line is fascinating and full of ups and downs, which often kept me in the car until I had reached an acceptable stopping point. The day before the CDs were due, I listened to the discs at work while processing gifts and upon arriving home listened until the very end. And the end pissed me off. Days later I was still enraged.

(Did I mention I get emotionally invested in the books I read?)

Fast forward half a week to today. The DH is backpacking with some friends (why I didn't go is fodder for another post), so I have a day and a half to myself. I went to Target and browsed for awhile and soon found myself in the book aisle.

(I should disclose at this point that I have not bought a book - with the exception of Make it Fast, Cook it Slow, which is my lifeline - for myself in ages, the result of an enlightening conversation with a friend about how much money we spent on books versus how much we pay in taxes coupled with the fact taxes pay for libraries. With her amazing deduction, my friend had already opted to use the "free" public resource instead of buying books and when I learned how close the townhouse we were moving into was going to be to the library I didn't have an excuse not to use it.)

Despite my change of heart towards buying books, I still peruse book stores and book aisles. Target has a history of introducing me to some of my all-time favorite books and authors (including Philippa Gregory), so it especially holds a special place in my heart. (I know, gag.) What happened today, however, must have been fate.

While glancing over the end cap books on sale - most of which are currently being made into movies and/or I have placed a hold on at the library - my eyes fell on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo sitting on a shelf next to another Larsson book titled The Girl Who Played with Fire. Some what interested, though still perturbed by the ending of his first book I read, I picked it up and immediately recognized the names of the characters. I was even more amazed to learn there is a third book: The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. Larsson turned all three manuscripts in prior to his death as The Millennium Trilogy - which is why it seemed there should be a sequel to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. (The end of the book would not have been so bad had I any hope there was a follow-up book.)

The best news of all? The library has them in stock.

Once a Marine

I picked up Once a Marine on a whim from my local library. It is not often that I come across a book, much less a memoir, that is so powerfully written or where the author's voice rings through so clearly. Regardless of how you feel about the war in Iraq or the military, Nick Popaditch's story is worth your time. Anyone that has ever believed in a cause or built their life around something only to have it snatched away from them will be able to relate. This is more than a war story, it is a story of courage, perseverance, and adjustment. Nick Popaditch has earned my utmost respect and admiration and is the symbol of so many others that go unrecognized.