The Power of Stories: Part I

It's the eve of my fifth anniversary. This Friday, September 7 is so very different than that one in 2007 I remember so fondly. The one where I was surrounded by family and friends, wrapping up wedding details and celebrating another milestone - my Aunt Pam's 50th birthday. Above all, I was looking forward to committing the rest of my life to a man who had so unexpectedly come into my life three years prior and for whom I was so utterly and completely head over heels for.

Five years isn't such an extraordinarly long time in the grand scheme of life, but it is a major milestone. We have endured nearly every aspect of our vows with grace, thanksgiving, and sometimes a lot of self-sacrifice. In this new season of our marriage I can reflect on the day we took our vows with such promise, and a healthy dose of naivete, and recognize a pledge taken in faith sometimes means you're agreeing to stay true through things you couldn't ever have imagined. I think if someone had told me that then instead of a month ago I may have run in the other direction. It is probably for the best we can't see every trial our relationship will face "til death do {us} part."

I am becoming the family storyteller. The keeper of the stories of our family's trials and triumphs. Some of the stories are hard to hear and some are inspiring or just plain silly. I believe it is so important to pass those stories on, even the ugly ones, so the next generation knows they are not alone and others have gone before them and come through stronger. Those are the stories I so desperately need to hear while I am writing this difficult part of my own story. 

There is power and freedom in being an active participant in your story. Sometimes things happen that you would rather not share, but most times those things you don't want to share end up having power over you. When you tell your story you take control of it. The stories of better times hold us together when we're going through the muck and remind us where we've come from and when we reach the other side of it we can point to that time and say, "We did that, we made it."

It's our stories that can bind us or tear us apart. They are also the legacy we leave for the next generation. It doesn't do any good to keep them locked up.

Communication Breakdown II

I've talked about it before, this idea that maybe technology and social media isn't all it's cracked up to be. Three years later, I'm feeling even stronger about this.

I will be the first to admit I'd rather e-mail than talk on the phone. Texting has entered my world, so now I can send text from anywhere at anytime. (Three years ago to as recently as a year ago I was refusing to jump on the text bandwagon. Oh how easily we cave when every one else is doing it.)

My Facebook friends list has been parred down since I last discussed it. The people on the list are ones that I have regular connections with or are related to me. I'm seriously contemplating deactivating it as I waste so much time there and the interactions are rarely meaningful. I want my life to be a blessing and I'm no longer convinced that can be done through technology.

I miss the days when friends got together and talked with no interruptions from cell phones. I have nothing against cell phones - they're dang handy - but when I am spending more time looking at it than the person talking to me there is a problem. As a result, DH and I set a house rule that when we are together in public, sharing a meal, or visiting with other people our phones are put away. They were becoming too much of a distraction and took away from quality time with people we say we care about. I'm hoping this is a trend that we can extend to the people we live life with. Cause I love their faces and don't want them hiding behind a 3"x5" screen.

What do you think of cell phone dependency?

My One Word

February is almost over and today I came across a quote that embodies my one word for 2012: Grace.

Grace is a concept and word I've been thinking about since late December. Words that come to mind when I think of grace are kindness, love, beauty,  forgiveness, charity, mercifulness. These are characteristics I want to build up in my life.

In 2012, I commit:

• To live every moment of every day believing the best instead of the worst.
• To extend compassion when anger rises.
• To be honest and gentle at the same time.
• To remember we all have a story that shapes who we are and why we do what we do.

Prayer for Japan

My heart sunk Friday morning when I learned why there were tsunami warnings off the Oregon Coast. My heart immediately thought of  my dear friend, Yo - her family is there and she is scheduled to visit the coming week. No phones, no e-mail. No word.

I thought of Cliff, in Hawai'i, preparing for Yo and E's arrival in a few weeks. Then I remembered Jason's cousins are in various areas of Japan - one now a resident with a beautiful family; the other preparing to come home after a year of teaching.

With the help of Facebook and a large dose of patience we learned Cliff was fine - the roads are another story. The Bentley cousins are all okay, though one cousin's family had to stay in a refuge overnight. Yo's dad called - her family is all alright. Thank God.

Today, as I watched the devastation unfold while in the comfort of my gym on a crisp, spring-like morning, my heart swelled anew. I cannot do all, but I can do something. Lord, show me what is mine to do.

While reading the captions of fearful parents, family who can't find their loved ones, my heart cried...
 

Lord, ease their minds. Comfort the lost, bring peace to the grieving. May this be a time of hope and coming together as a community. May what is best about humanity - our resilience, our compassion - shine during this time of darkness. Lay your hands on the relief workers - give them words of comfort and guide their actions. May the people of Japan feel love and peace at this time of uncertainty.

Lost for Words

"Words can never fully say what we want them to say, for they fumble, stammer, and break the best porcelain. The best one can hope for is to find along the way someone to share the path, content to walk in silence, for the heart communes best when it does not try to speak."
~Margaret Weis

Words have never been my thing. Writing was, but I have lost that skill as of late. I miss it. My super power, however, is feeling things (too) deeply. I feel others' pains as if they were my own and my heart aches with them. Physically.

Frustratingly, I feel their pain, but I have no words to give them comfort. I wish I did. It feels really unhelpful to just cry. I pray that it's enough.

Communication Breakdown

I got on my soapbox Wednesday. After nearly four hours of volunteering for Project Homeless Connect my concern for the state of our daily interactions with our fellow man kinda peaked.

I am a student of communication. I love learning how people interact - verbally and nonverbally (which can be even more fascinating) - and watching them in those interactions. Something that's been bothering me lately, however, is how technology has elbowed in to these daily interactions under the guise of making life "easier."

Facebook has exploded - I have nearly 200 "friends" - so that we can all become more connected to our friends and family. What I find is of those 200 friends, I only see or talk to 20 of them. I'm become a well-informed worse friend: I talk to you less than I normally would because I have no need to seek the information from you, I can just skim your page, see your new pictures and then go about my self-absorbed life knowing that you just adopted a kitten, are doing an internship in Brazil this summer, broke up with your long-term boyfriend, and had a rough day at work. All without ever having talked to you. Isn't that awesome?!

I have a similar situation with my cell phone. I have a lot of phone numbers in there. Know how many people I call on a weekly basis? Eight. (Sometimes it goes up to ten, but eight is the average.) It's not that I don't care about those other people in my precious address book, but they don't fit nicely into my schedule I've filled with all kinds of activities.

On Wednesday I sat with a stinky child and a man who had just received notice that the owner of the house he had rented for 20+ years had foreclosed and they had to be out next week. I could hear the pain and fear as he explained his disabilities and the knowledge that in a week they were going to be homeless - four of his six children (one of whom is three weeks old), his wife, and himself - if they didn't figure something out quick. There was nothing I could do for this man but listen and when I left I realized that this man was a complete stranger, but I probably had a more meaningful conversation with him than I'd had with anyone in quite awhile. On the way home an old school song played saying, "You never know what your neighbor is going through until you ask."

My question is, when do we say enough is enough, set our cell phones aside, turn off the computer, and start interacting with the people around us and really learn about each other?