2013: An End and a Beginning

2013 is coming to a close has been closed for over a month and I can't quite put to words the changes and growth that have occurred. We started a new chapter in our marriage and in our life and we are finding our footing daily as we learn our new roles.

2013: The Survey
 

Was 2013 good for you? This was a growing, blossoming year for me. Yes.

What was your favorite moment of the year? There have been so many favorite moments. The first is probably the first time Remmy smiled a meaningful smile. The second is watching her and Jason playing on the California beach.
 

What was your worst moment of the year? Hmmm... I think I kept my worst self under wraps this year. I know I had some pretty terrible thoughts but, thank God, they never passed my lips.

Where were you when 2013 began? At the Higley house

Who were you with? Ma Pa Higley, Josh, Laura, Palke, and Jason. We watched Season 7 of How I Met Your Mother episodes 2-10 and flipped over in time to see the ball drop on Time Square.

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2013? I never committed to a word for the My One Word challenge. I did a fair job of living in the moment, though, which had been an unspoken goal.

Where were you when 2013 ended? At home playing Settlers of Catan Cities & Knights with Jason, Josh and Laura.

Do you have a new year's resolution for 2014? My One Word this year is "Simplify." My life feels chaotic and complicated lately. I want to slow down, be present, and rid myself of the clutter in my mind, body, spirit, and space. 

Did you fall in love in 2013? The most beautiful, smart, endearing little red head came into my life and I am completely in love.
 

Did you make any new friends in 2013? Yes, my old college roommate added me to her mom's group and we also started attending a small church regularly and are getting to know the people there.

What was your favorite month in 2013: May

Why this month? Aunt Deb came to visit, I finished an important work project and we welcomed our daughter into our lives.

Did you travel outside of the country in 2013? Nope

How many different places did you travel to in 2013? The usual suspects, along with Hemet, Carlsbad and Newport for some
flavor.


Did you miss anybody in the past year? I didn't talk to my Aunt Deb as much as usual this past year and I was terrible at keeping in contact with friends.

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2013? "Frozen" hands down.

What was your favorite song from 2013? "Let Her Go" by Passenger and "Love Is An Open Door" from Frozen soundtrack, along with "Let It Go" and "In Summer" and the rest of the soundtrack.

How many concerts or plays did you see in 2013? We saw Trans-Siberian Orchestra and some folk music in Sisters. I don't recall any plays this year.

 

Did you have a favorite concert in 2013? Trans-Siberian was the only one I went to so it wins by default.

What was your favorite book(s) in 2013? Gosh, I don't even know what I read this year and I haven't done much reading lately. "Refined by Fire" and "Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief" are the only two that come to mind.

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Nope.

What was the biggest lie you told in 2013? That I was fully recovered from all the post-baby body weirdness.

Did you treat somebody badly in 2013? There was that one time I decided I wasn't feeling up to being graceful and I didn't apologize. And I didn't think about that until right now and right now I think it doesn't much matter.

Did somebody treat you badly in 2013? Probably. 

What was your proudest moment of 2013? Finishing the Tinkerbell 1/2 marathon while 6 months pregnant. That was the most difficult race I've ever done on a number of levels, but is the race I'm most proud of. I finished and I didn't drop a baby on the course. Win, win!

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2013? I may have thrown up in a grocery bag during prodromal labor and my aunt held it out the car window while we drove home from the park. Yeah, that happened.

If you could go back to any moment of 2013 and change something, what would it be? The thing I want to change I don't think I could have. I really wanted the unmedicated birth, but I don't think there's anything I could have done differently to keep that silly girl in the optimal position. In the end, I just thank God I had such an amazing birth team and avoided surgery.

Where did you work in 2013? AH Foundation and I received a promotion.

Favorite TV shows(s) of 2013? I discovered "Vampire Diaries" and "Hart of Dixie" and I'm a little ridiculous about them.

Favorite Band(s) of 2013? Gloriana

Favorite Food in 2013? Frozen tropical fruits, yogurt and french fries.

Favorite Drink in 2013? Raspberry Crystal Light

Favorite Place in 2013? Carlsbad

Favorite person(s) to be with in 2013? My little family

Favorite person(s) to talk to in 2013? Bobby and Leslie

 Favorite trip in 2013? Anniversary trip to Bend

Favorite stores in 2013? Powell's Books and Nordstrom

 Most Difficult thing you Went through in 2013: Learning to be a mama and career woman has been pretty hard but also rewarding.

Most exciting moment(s) in 2013? Completing the Tinkerbell 1/2 Marathon. My newphew's arrival followed by Crystal's baby's arrival a week later and Reese baby's appearance two months after. Meeting our baby in May. First hiking trip with baby. Oregon State Fair. Meeting our niece.Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Rip City: Best in the West!

 

Funniest moment(s) in 2013? All the ones that come to mind involve poop. Poop has become a large part of my life it turns out.

Showers of Blessings

***I realize this is a weird way to come back to blogging - there's about 5-6 months of really fascinating details from my life that needs to be documented, but this is what needs to be proclaimed right now.***

It is not a secret that I struggle with budgeting. I believe I've mentioned it a time or two in "year in review" and "about me" posts. It's something I know the value and importance of but have never succeeded in putting to practice. Several things have happened in the last couple months that brought to mind the parable of the talents.

A couple months ago, our dear friends invited us to live in their finished basement and we moved in the beginning of last month. This is a tremendous opportunity for us to focus on paying down our debts and build up a nest egg. 

We want to make the most of this time we have, so a couple weeks ago we sat down and focused on our budget and debt snowball. We were encouraged to see we could be debt-free (with the exception of a student loan we're still trying to get all the details about) by August 2016.

We then opened the first of what we thought was a medical bill. Inside was a reimbursement check for an overpayment I had made. The check was for $1.24 more than an unanticipated dental bill Jason had received a call about the day before. We had been budgeting for 5 minutes and were already winning!

The following week I had my annual review at work, where I received a 5% wage increase that will be retroactive to August 24, which is my hire anniversary. When I came home, there was an envelope holding another unexpected check for our refundable apartment deposit. (I have lived in several apartments and have never received my deposit back, no matter how spotless I have left the unit, so this was incredibly surprising.) Suddenly, we were ahead of the game.

I want to build an altar here in this place of how God is providing for us. We recognize the blessings that have come our way and we want to be good stewards of the resources we have been entrusted with. For the first time in a very long time we are caught up on all our bills, can put extra towards our debts, have made tithing a priority and don't feel like we're suffocating. We're still far from being debt-free, but in light of last week's events our debt free date has moved up to January 2016 (with the same caveat as above) and suddenly doesn't seem so unattainable.

Heeding the Call

The Midwife, Loren Entz
(source)

"We ask them questions about their sex lives, eat their food, feel inside their bodies, snoop around their houses, drink champagne at all hours, and best of all, we get to catch delicious little naked, wet babies. What I can’t figure out is, why doesn’t everyone want to be a midwife?” ~ Peggy Vincent,

Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife

As far back as I can remember birth has been something that has held my fascination. It has evolved from childish curiousity, to a fear of pregnant people, and, finally, to recognition that the human body is an incredible work of art capable of the seemingly impossible.

I was fortunate to be raised in a family where birth was normalized. The female body was created to carry and deliver babies and do it well. There was no fear in childbirth. Now, at an age where it seems I am surrounded by pregnant women or recently delivered babies, I have come full circle where I not only have no fear of the childbirth process, but want to be wholly involved in it.

The plan had always been for me to pursue my Master's degree, but through research, books, and conversations with people near and dear to me over the last couple years, I have realized my calling is not to counsel in the manner I had always pursued. My deepest desire is to educate and empower women to have the births they deserve and assist them during that sacred time. I am so excited to start down this path and am blessed to have had many affirmations along the way that this is the right course for my life.

This fall I will start checking off my prerequisites in order to pursue a Master of Science in Midwifery at Bastyr University next fall. The six college courses include College Algebra, Biology, Microbiology, Anatomy & Physiology I & II, and chemistry - courses I took in high school, but have passed their expiration date so to speak.

In addition to bolstering my college transcript, I will take attend a Labor Doula workshop and a Childbirth Educator workshop (two separate workshops). My sweet friend wants me with her when she delivers this winter/spring, so I want to have my Doula training done before then so I can be of the best service to her. (I am so honored to be asked to be with her - it will be a first for both of us.)

Doors are opening and I'm delighted to have this opportunity. I am looking forward to following in the footsteps of great midwives who have gone before me and am excited for the opportunities and adventures that are sure to follow such a calling. 

The Thing About Grace is...

It doesn't make sense. It goes against our very nature to extend mercy to someone who doesn't deserve it and could never earn it. Yet we all long for it; even demand it of others.

When I chose "grace" as my One Word for 2012, it never occurred to me the trials that would come my way to teach me the meaning and depth of grace. I understand in a whole new way how the Father's heart must have broken when the price was paid for reconciliation.

Six months have passed since I committed myself to focus on grace. Each time I have made the choice to extend grace and withold condemnation, my heart has grown fuller. This is a phenomenon that I cannot explain. In the midst of my current storm I have felt tremendous peace when no less than five months ago I would have been an unconsolable wreck.

I like the person I am becoming, but Lord it's hard. It is so very, very hard to choose grace in the face of betrayal. It is so hard to choose grace in the midst of disappointment. It is so difficult to choose grace when I want to condemn. But it is a choice. I have a choice. And I choose to keep choosing grace.

Wordless Wednesday: I Did It With Help from My Friend

13.1 mi - BAM!

My One Word

February is almost over and today I came across a quote that embodies my one word for 2012: Grace.

Grace is a concept and word I've been thinking about since late December. Words that come to mind when I think of grace are kindness, love, beauty,  forgiveness, charity, mercifulness. These are characteristics I want to build up in my life.

In 2012, I commit:

• To live every moment of every day believing the best instead of the worst.
• To extend compassion when anger rises.
• To be honest and gentle at the same time.
• To remember we all have a story that shapes who we are and why we do what we do.

Grace and Strength

In keeping with my current ponderings about grace, strength, light and New Year's resolutions, today I looked up at my calendar and was challenged by this month's verse:

"Be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 2:1

For some reason this hit me really hard this morning. I often think of strength as being overpowering and grace as being gentle. To see those two words side by side, complementing one another, has made my head spin in a way that will require me to sit with it for awhile. Be strong. In grace.

As I continue to reflect on last year and what I want this year to look like I have thought a lot (alot) about the My One Word challenge. While it is spiritual in nature, I think it could be applied secularly as well: How do you want to grow? What kind of person do you want to be by 2012's end? How would implementing one word change your relationships?

Passion... Grace... Intention.... these are words I'm mulling over.

What one word would you choose to guide your actions and what kind of person would that word shape you into?

What If...

What if I filled out the application? What if I actually submitted it? What if I was selected?  What would my life look like then? What if it's worth it? What if it's not?

It is becoming increasingly obvious that my work life has come to a stalemate. The job I have was a great job, with an organization I am proud to be part of, when I was finishing my college degree. It was never intended to be something permanent - even with the 12-cent raise and additional 4 hrs (woohoo, 28 hrs/week) upon graduation. My career, and life, goals are much bigger than this. I am not cut out to be an assistant and I do not feel good about my performance as of late.

So, I have dug in and am starting the job search process. Looking for jobs is never the problem. On many occasions I have searched craigslist and created an entirely new life in Denver, Phoenix, and, once, in Georgia. It's the actually filling out the application, and should the application get filled out, actually sending it in. I always fail on one of those two fronts. 


The two jobs I have found that align with my long-term goals also come with some challenges. Namely, moving. I don't want a commuter marriage, so with moving comes the questions of what to do with my husband's schooling. My heart's desire is that he finish his degree and get his teaching certificate. His heart's desire is I find a job I am fulfilled in and will ultimately help me as I shoot for grad school. 

We've been discussing our different options, but the thing that remains the same is my husband's support of me pursuing these options. There's nothing more motivating than that, despite all the "what ifs."

Fear

"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" ~ Robert H. Schuller

 What is it that holds us back from doing the thing we most want to do? What keeps us from achieving our full potential? If you're anything like me, it's fear of failure. Failure - and disappointing people I care about - is my kryptonite. Interestingly enough, I've never failed at anything I set my mind to do - but the caveat to that is I've also never taken any huge risks. 

Here's what I would do if I knew I couldn't fail:

1. Finish the cover letter for my quasi dream job instead of typing about it.
2. Apply to Grad school this winter for fall term.
3. Teach in a foreign country for a couple years
4. Run a marathon.
5. Start a private practice

Most of those things are relatively simple and easy to accomplish as long as a plan is in place. I'm good at making plans and organizing when it's something that needs to be done. I'm not so good at taking risks, even if the reward would be greater than the fear I feel now.

What would you do if you knew you could not fail? 

 

Time on My Hands

It has been 9 months since I graduated from PSU. It still feels strange to not attend regular classes and to be in complete control of my free time. But, alas, I am still a nerd and am starting to get antsy about not taking classes.

The boy is in the Adult Degree program at Warner Pacific and has another two years before he will be finished. He is doing great and I am very proud of him for taking the plunge and returning to school. Our home is not devoid of academic pursuits.

Before he enrolled at Warner, I went to Denver to visit the Graduate School of Social Work at Denver University. They have the oldest GSSW program this side of the Continental Divide and one of the very few that offer an Interpersonal Stress and Trauma Certificate. Basically, I'm in love with Denver and the school.

I have no desire for a commuter marriage - though the boys has suggested/threatened to send me to Denver on my own so he isn't "holding [me] back" - and I'm not confident I would be accepted the first go around any way. So, here I am with time on my hands and trying to figure out how to best use that time so I am in a better position to pursue Graduate school when the time comes.

One thing that has recently piqued my curiousity is pursuing a Certificate in Alcohol & Drug Addiction counseling. It is a one-year program, would get me a foot in the door to the mental health world, give me more fancy letters after my name, and give me additional certification for working with people suffering from PTSD. Which is ultimately my goal.

Currently I am researching the differences between the PCC certificate program and the PSU one. It's the same certificate as far as I can tell, but PSU has open enrollment and classes start in the fall.

Time will tell.

6 Months Later...

With New Year's upon us and 6 months gone since my birthday, I decided it's time to check-in with some of the goals I set for myself. Especially considering one of my resolutions is to be more accountable to myself and stay committed to things I say I'm going to commit to...

Nike's 24 Year Old Goals Update:

1. Apply to volunteer at the Portland VA. ---> I have not done this. I am working on making myself useful at work, which will hopefully result in an increase in permanent hours (right now I am working 32-36 hours unofficially).
   
2. Seriously make time to practice and study Spanish. ---> I've been speaking Spanish to myself and recently found my books and CDs, so will start studying next week.
   
3. Sign up for a monthly volunteer project through Hands on Greater Portland. ---> YES! I love volunteering through Hands On Greater Portland.
   
4. Be a team leader for one Hands On project by June 1, 2010. ---> I have led TWO projects and am signed up to lead another two in the next couple months. I also took the training to be a regular Volunteer Leader for The Children's Book Bank
   
5. Send a card to someone I have lost contact with weekly. ---> I did this for a month. I suck.
   
6. Sew three skirts using the "Sew What Skirts" book. ---> My sewing machine has been out of commission. Jason bought me the part I need, so *fingers crossed* hopefully it fits and I can start taking off with this on Thursday Night Craft Nights.
   
7. Blog three times a week for three months, incrementally increase to daily by June 1, 2010. ---> Um, yeah... I'll take a mulligan on this one.
   
8. Start running again. ---> I have sort of started running again. Like, once every other week. I forgot this was on my goal list. I have the Hood to Coast deadline looming over me, so that's motivating me.
   
9. Apply to a Graduate School of Social Work ---> This has been postponed. I really really really want to go to University of Denver, but it will be another two years before I can apply. Unless I find a school I want to go to half as badly as I want to go to Denver that doesn't require relocating, this will stay on hold.
   
10. Learn each of my neighbors' names. ---> I learned the names of all of the neighbors on my side of the drive and then they all moved. The ones on the other side do not want to be my friend. One of the empty townhouses appears to be occupied now, so it may be time for another Neighborhood BBQ at the Bentley's.
    

Goal Revisions for Goals I Struggle With:

• Practice/study Spanish on Tuesdays and Thursdays
• Send a card to friend/family member once a month
• Fix sewing machine, then start sewing Sew What Skirts
• Blog once a week starting Saturday, then increase to three times a week by June
• Continue doing strength exercises and work in running 3x/week
• Plan a neighborhood BBQ for March/April, with nametags this time
  

2009: A Less Than Insightful Review

2010 is upon us, are you ready?! Last year I lifted this exercise from Pink Spandex and it seemed like a worthwhile thing to do again. (For a 2008 refresher, click here.)

I haven't been blogging as regularly, or much at all if I'm honest, as I would like as my free computer time has changed drastically in the last seven months with the boy returning to school. I'll post a blog in honor of So Long 2008 to give a little more depth to my 2009 soon...

2009: The Survey

Was 2009 good for you? A lot of good came out of 2009, so yes.

What was your favorite moment of the year? Graduating from PSU - finally!

What was your worst moment of the year? The exact moment I realized Gus was paralyzed. The subsequent 24 hours were pretty horrific as well.

Where were you when 2009 began? At the Geiser Grand in Baker City

Who were you with? Some of my favorites

Where were you when 2009 ended? It's here for another 14 hrs and 36 minutes, so I'll tell you tomorrow.

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2009? The only thing I resolved to do was graduate and that I did. Oh, and it looks like I also resolved to keep in better contact with friends and family. I still suck at that.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2010? To keep in better contact with friends and family. <---Let's try that again. Also, to follow through with the not-so-fun commitments I make to myself. Did you fall in love in 2009? I fell more in love.

Did you make any new friends in 2009? No, making new friends is not something that comes easily to me. I became closer to the new friends I made last year. Oh, wait, I did make new friends! I just realized that I didn't know Cliff and Yoshimi prior to May. Now I feel like I've known them forever.

What was your favorite month of 2009? September

Why this month? Jason and I went backpacking in the Strawberry Wilderness for our anniversary and it was the first actual backpacking trip we've taken together.

Did you travel outside of the country in 2009? Still haven't made it to Canada. I have a friend that lives there now, though!

How many different places did you travel to in 2009? Baker, Metolious, Bend, Prineville, Salem, Seattle, Sisters, John Day, Rockaway Beach, Seaside, Tillamook, San Diego, Denver, Santa Rosa, Boise, and Reno...

Did you miss anybody in the past year? My brother while he was on his second deployment and people I let slip away.

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2009? UP and The Proposal.

What was your favorite song from 2009? The two that popped in my head are both by Kelly Clarkson - "My Life Would Suck Without You" and "Don't Leave." "I Run to You" by Lady Antebellum was also a favorite.

How many concerts or plays did you see in 2009? I don't think I went to a single concert this year... we didn't even go to the Blues Festival. We went to one play (Faith County put on by Central Nazarene) and also went to Central's Evening in December variety show. Wow, we were not very cultured in 2009.

Did you have a favorite concert in 2009? Obviously not.

What was your favorite book in 2009? I became a Twilight addict in 2009. I'll admit it. Twilight and Breaking Dawn were my favorites.

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Nothing comes to mind...

What was the biggest lie you told in 2009? I told the boy there wasn't anything wrong when I was actually quite perturbed.

Did you treat somebody badly in 2009? If I'm honest, yes.

Did somebody treat you badly in 2009? Yes, but I'm learning to deal with it.

What was your proudest moment of 2009? Receiving my diploma.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2009? I fell down our friends' porch stairs, twisted my ankle (right before a hiking intensive camping trip), released gas, and landed on my backside. My dear husband, instead of saying, "Are you okay?!" when he saw me on the ground yelled, "You just farted didn't you?!" Which made me want the ground to open up even more.

If you could go back to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be? I would have said something to that horrible lady at Pioneer Square.

Where did you work in 2009? LifeWorks NW

Favorite TV shows(s) of 2009? Bones, Lie to Me, The Mentalist, Ghost Whisperer, and Criminal Minds

Favorite Band(s) of 2009? Lady Antebellum and Gloryana

Favorite Food in 2009? Sushi

Favorite Drink in 2009? Vanilla Chai Tea and Vanilla Rooibos Tea Latte

Favorite Place in 2009? Denver was pretty awesome

Favorite person(s) to be with in 2009? Jason, Aunt Deb, Dad, the Cook Cousins, and Monday Night Posse

Favorite person(s) to talk to in 2009? Aunt Deb, Bobby, Grandma+pa

Favorite trip in 2009? It's really a toss up between Reno and Denver, but the weekend at Marion Forks was pretty memorable as well.

Favorite stores in 2009? Victoria's Secret and REI... that's a random combo.

Hardest thing you had to go through in 2009? Putting Gus down, dealing with repressed memories, and listening to a very dear friend confess what she had been hiding for the last couple years.

Most exciting moment(s) in 2009? Graduating, trip to Denver, trip to Reno, and Christmas

Funniest moment(s) in 2009? The most recent one was sitting on a plane to San Jose listening to the pilot tell us he was going to turn off the cabin lights and then explain in great detail where the button to turn on your overhead light was located and what it looks like. He said multiple times, "It's the one with the light bulb on it," but he said it in such a way it sounded like he was refraining from saying, "It's the one with the light bulb on it, stupid." So Jason and I are already joking about this, when three rows ahead of me a gentleman hits every button except the one with the light bulb on it, including the Attendant call button. I was like, "No, no, it's the one with the lightbulb on it!" Making sushi with Jason, Crystal, and Yo for Independence Day was pretty funny as well.

Happy New year! May yours be blessed with kept promises, fun, and exciting moments.

What's another year?

My birthday was two days ago. Here is an untimely post that is a testament to how scattered I have been the last few weeks...

In the last year I caught a glimpse of the life a pastor's wife leads and did my best to be supportive. I also learned the importance of having supportive laymen in a church. Laymen make all the difference between the success or failure of a ministry. I am more determined than ever to be a supportive layperson - after taking some time to recoup.

In the last year I welcomed my brother home, only to see him ship off to the Middle East a short time later. I have learned how to say, "I love you" in a multitude of ways cause sometimes the words aren't said before the satellite phone cuts out.

In the last year I made some wonderful new friends and learned to manage life changes. I've had some adventures and learned that growing up is pretty difficult, but each new step is totally worth it.

A year ago I decided to return to school after an 18 month hiatus. In a week and three days I will walk in PSU's commencement ceremony and symbolically receive my Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies. (Symbolically because we don't actually receive our diplomas at commencement. Lame.) It's been a six year process, but after a lot of sweat and tears I'm nearly finished.

In my 24th year, I want to live with purpose. Up to this point my life has revolved around school, work, and trying to figure out all my new roles in life. I want my life to be about serving others and not so much about what I want and need. Below is my list, tune in next year to see where I have gone....

Nike's 24 Year Old Goals:

1. Apply to volunteer at the Portland VA.
2. Seriously make time to practice and study Spanish.
3. Sign up for a monthly volunteer project through Hands on Greater Portland.
4. Be a team leader for one Hands On project by June 1, 2010.
5. Send a card to someone I have lost contact with weekly.
6. Sew three skirts using the "Sew What Skirts" book.
7. Blog three times a week for three months, incrementally increase to daily by June 1, 2010.
8. Start running again.
9. Apply to a Graduate School of Social Work
10. Learn each of my neighbors' names.