On th Edge

(Post started on June 4th.)

It hit me today. In less than 9 days I will graduate from PSU with a Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies. I have been freely tossing around the fact that I'm graduating in a week, but today reality sunk in. And I kind of freaked.

What do I have to show for my (non-consecutive) four years of pursuing higher ed? I have learned the world is so much bigger than me and the town I grew up in. I have learned to listen to ideas that clash with my values and beliefs without accepting them unless their argument proves truer than mine. As Aristotle said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain an idea without accepting it." I hope I'm leaving my undergraduate work with some semblance of critical thinking skills.

As I prepare my final papers, tests, and project I am still left wondering, could I have done better? For some reason I feel like I missed something. Do all graduates feel this way?

What's another year?

My birthday was two days ago. Here is an untimely post that is a testament to how scattered I have been the last few weeks...

In the last year I caught a glimpse of the life a pastor's wife leads and did my best to be supportive. I also learned the importance of having supportive laymen in a church. Laymen make all the difference between the success or failure of a ministry. I am more determined than ever to be a supportive layperson - after taking some time to recoup.

In the last year I welcomed my brother home, only to see him ship off to the Middle East a short time later. I have learned how to say, "I love you" in a multitude of ways cause sometimes the words aren't said before the satellite phone cuts out.

In the last year I made some wonderful new friends and learned to manage life changes. I've had some adventures and learned that growing up is pretty difficult, but each new step is totally worth it.

A year ago I decided to return to school after an 18 month hiatus. In a week and three days I will walk in PSU's commencement ceremony and symbolically receive my Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies. (Symbolically because we don't actually receive our diplomas at commencement. Lame.) It's been a six year process, but after a lot of sweat and tears I'm nearly finished.

In my 24th year, I want to live with purpose. Up to this point my life has revolved around school, work, and trying to figure out all my new roles in life. I want my life to be about serving others and not so much about what I want and need. Below is my list, tune in next year to see where I have gone....

Nike's 24 Year Old Goals:

1. Apply to volunteer at the Portland VA.
2. Seriously make time to practice and study Spanish.
3. Sign up for a monthly volunteer project through Hands on Greater Portland.
4. Be a team leader for one Hands On project by June 1, 2010.
5. Send a card to someone I have lost contact with weekly.
6. Sew three skirts using the "Sew What Skirts" book.
7. Blog three times a week for three months, incrementally increase to daily by June 1, 2010.
8. Start running again.
9. Apply to a Graduate School of Social Work
10. Learn each of my neighbors' names.

Checklist

To Do:
1. Final Paper
2. "Where We Stand: Class Matters" reflection paper
3. "Killing Rage: Ending Racism" reflection paper
4. Vision Project
5. Graduate
5. Buy plane tickets - check!
6. Find place to stay - check!

Colorado, here I come! (In a couple months...)

An Open Letter to Tri-Met

Dear Tri-Met,

As a dedicated patron of public transportation for the last five years, I would like to take this time to thank you for your service.

First, thank you, Number 4, for faithfully taking me to school and returning me safely home for the first two years I lived in SE Portland. Thank you, also, No. 20 and MAX Blue line for taking me to work, most of the time in a timely manner, when I was a new bride.

I now live on the West side, and my husband utilizes the 54 bus and MAX blue line in the wee hours of early morning when no sane person should be awake. Your bus drivers have only on occasion passed him by while he waited to make the Beaverton Transit connection. (It's not entirely your fault, I told him he should take a flashlight on rainy days.)

Yes, from school to work to jaunts to Saturday Market or to watch the Blazers play a home game, the MAX has become a convenient form of transportation for us. Though often not as fast as driving ourselves, you save us gas money and parking headaches. For this, we are grateful. Unfortunately, I have been noticing some disturbing trends: increase in fare and checking tickets.

Now, first let me explain I understand why you increase fares. People are riding free and you need to make up the loss income somewhere. Punishing those of us who are already paying is not the answer. It just ticks us off and tempts us to stop being model citizens.

Second, checking tickets is a wonderful idea and I support this endeavor wholeheartedly. I do not, however, support your checking people getting OFF the train at PGE. I have to admit, I thought that PGE was the last stop in Fareless Square and based on the people I saw ticketed last week I was not alone in this confusion. Check the people who are continuing on to Beaverton, they are the ones who are stealing from the public. I'm not sure one stop past Fareless Square is worth the time when you have a trainload you're sending West without a second glance.

These are my suggestions: check people on the trains at stops that are obviously outside of Fareless Square, put in a system that prevents people from boarding without a ticket (I believe the BART in San Francisco has such a system), and stabilize fare prices.

Thank you for your years of service getting me where I need to go. You are appreciated.

Faithfully yours...

Things I Keep Meaning to Blog About

1. bell hooks' genius
2. Creating Beloved Community - Roslyn Farrington's lecture
3. Church searching
4. Upcoming events (birthday, graduation, girl day, trip to Denver...)
5. My displeasure with Trimet

Instead, I've been writing papers and getting ready for graduation. Stay tuned!

Taste of Lime and Tears

Coast Guard Rescues 9, Search for 4 More Continues.

Coast Guard Suspends Search for Flying Colours.

Newport sailors keep watch for Flying Colours.

Search ceases for boat carrying former Baker City Woman.

Two years ago today I received the chilling call that we all hope only happens in movies. My best friend called me during a mundane day at work, which was unusual since we regularly IMed or e-mailed, and said flatly, "Rhiannon's boat is missing."

That message gave birth to an obsession with Coast Guard news, the Boston Globe, and all things storm and Rhode Island oriented. There is a binder in my closet with every story that ran about the Flying Colours from May 7, 2007 to mid-July of the same year. The cover is the flier that was made for the "Keep the Faith Vigil" that was held in my hometown the day before many of my high school peers graduated from college.

When we lose someone, there comes an obsession with the relationship we had with them and all the could've, should've, would'ves that that entails. I have a lot of should'ves. I should have called and written more often.... I should have asked what was going on in her life.... I should've planned the trip to Rhode Island earlier... Had I known it was the last time, I would have had a less superficial conversation with her....

I feel enormously blessed that I was able to talk to Rhiannon a couple weeks before she left on the trip she wouldn't return from. At the time I was planning my wedding and was so excited that Rhi would be flying out for it. We hadn't seen each other in two years. The picture above is one of my favorites of Rhiannon (middle), Leslie (right) and myself. It has even more meaning to me now because the pictures from that day at the Lake are the last ones of us all together. Some of my best memories are of all of us at the Lake roasting hotdogs, make s'mores, laughing and being ridiculous.

Today I had a lime tortilla chip and burst into tears. Rhiannon loved lime tortilla chips. She brought them on one of our Lake trips and we thought they were the strangest things we'd ever heard of. She insisted they were the best and her favorite. They have since become one of my favorite chips as well and I can't eat them or see a bag without thinking of her. These are the little things I keep with me.


Until we meet again, my friend, fair winds and following seas.

Living Life

On Monday nights I gather with several other friends who I am "living life with." We gather to snack, laugh, read the Bible, and talk about what is going on in our lives. The phrase "living life together" was coined in one of our early gatherings as we were expressing how special the group had become to each on of us individually. We joke and have a good time together, but we also lay all our crap on the table. None of us is perfect and we're all trying to find our place in this world - not only as Christians, but as idealistic 20-somethings that want to revolutionize our world. Together we listen and encourage one another as we journey down the path.

Tonight some of the group was missing and we didn't pick up where we left off in the Book of Acts, but we did have one of those really intimate times that I've come to treasure. We began talking about how we did to go through the motions and "do church" without actually expecting to get anything out of it, while at the same time we've limited God's work to Sunday mornings between 10:45 and Noon. One of our girlfriends told a story of how she had a friend who would ask her what God was teaching her every day. Over time she became conditioned to actively look at her life and see where she was growing (or needed improvement). This in turn led to the seven of us who were there this evening sharing what is going on in our lives.

I am horrible at remembering and/or recognizing the work God is doing in my life. I love hearing other people's stories because it reminds me of things I have to be thankful in my own life. Tonight I was reminded that a year ago I was stressed out about possibly not being able to go back to school because Jason was out of work. I had called a friend and asked her to pray with me about this situation and less than fifteen minutes later Jason called and had accepted a temp position that would last part-way through the Winter term. I am now five weeks from graduation and while we're by no means rolling in the dough, we are sustained. It's nice to have people to live life with who remind you of all the ways God is faithful, cause I would have kept rolling through these last few weeks and possibly not even remembered a year ago I didn't think school was going to be an option.